Now I know I’m going to get a lot of side eyes for this one. And Auntie Kingston has definitely gotten to a new level of asshole-ism with this blog but it must be said. It’s Throwback Thursday and I want to take y’all on an ignorant blast from the past called what the fuck ever happened to my biological clock?! Now Auntie Kingston loves the kids and if you recall, I helped raise my sister Brenda for 6 years of my life (not by choice) but I digress. I met Julio at 15 years old. He was always a family man…even as a teenager. I told him marriage may be possible one day but kids were a HELL NO! Flash forward 20 years later and I still feel just as strongly about not having children. Now the game changer is the Ex Factor. I truly love him so the wife and mother that I never dreamed of being…I would be just for him. I love children…I know I can raise them…but I’m still so in love with myself that they seem like a hassle more than a benefit. Now hear me out. My mother was not meant for motherhood…her mother wasn’t…her mother’s mother wasn’t and so on. So it may be a DNA thing. Coincidentally, Junior is obsessed with the thought of having children and Brenda is still on the it remains to be seen tip. Maybe it’s a female DNA issue in my family?! To my knowledge, no woman in my family has ever had an honest and open relationship with herself prior to getting married and having children. I AM THE FIRST! Even being a girlfriend…does not come easily to me. Some women are all about babying their men. Not me. I’m definitely trying to learn a balance because of how much I love the Ex Factor. Good thing about him is he is really self sufficient and hardly complains so he doesn’t need much attention. I’ve learned to dote on him especially when he’s not feeling well. But back to the issue at hand. In my 20 years of dating, I have always been my first priority. Told you I could have been married 3 times but I would have been divorced 3 times too. I know myself just that well. Only a man I truly love could make me want to learn how to be a wife and mother. When I’ve dated other guys and marriage and family came up…I negotiated like I do a business deal. One child and a decent engagement ring is the typical package I offer. 🙄 With the Ex Factor those rules don’t apply. Sky’s the limit but it doesn’t mean I’m all happy go lucky to be a wife and mom! Babies scare me! Like I have to breastfeed everyday and make them the center on my universe?! Da fuck?! I believe if my mom and all the women in her family had had a honest conversation with themselves and had been feminists…not one of them would have had kids. Back in the day…a woman’s worth was based upon her ability to reproduce! In the times I grew up in…I had options…so I fucking utilized them! I went to school and I built not one but two careers for myself (still growing them both). I’m only married to my careers because it’s in me to do so. I truly believe I can do anything I put my mind too but that doesn’t mean things like motherhood and wifehood will come easy to me. I see a baby and I smile but no parts of me wants to biologically have one!!!! I believe children are a blessing but for those who are destined to have them! GOD is still writing my story and I have no clue where HE will take me. HE’s already given me a love deeper than even I could expect (referring to myself first and then the Ex Factor). I want HIM to write my story…not me. So as the years go on….I wait for the ticking but I hear silence. Grace tells me I have a clock but I ignore it. Is that even possible?! In my mind, I picture my biological clock rolling under a truck….the truck rolls over it then reverses and rolls over it again! Jesus be a fence! Then the pieces are all over I95….scattered all over the US and even become international. That’s how I view my clock. Lol. There may come a day when the Ex Factor will ask for children and his wish shall be my command. However, not before I spend a year bringing home a different pet each time he asks for children. I shall start with a puppy because he loves those. Then I will literally pull a rabbit out of a hat! Right after I get the monkey and just before I purchase the alligator…our first set of twins shall be born. Sigh….I was never meant to be a domestic goddess but for some reason I feel like God has me on Comedy Central! Stay tuned…~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying where is my biological clock?! Have you seen it?!