Now that we are in the new year and things have gone from hot to cold with Elijah and I, the universe seems to be telling me that it’s time to embrace the dating scene in full force. Just the thought of it makes me want to pull out my tracks and run screaming! But to be honest, it’s rare that a woman’s future husband just appears out of thin air without her having to kiss a few frogs! Ribbit Ribbit! 🐸 Ugh. I’ve kissed one too many! If you are a single man and there was once a woman you dearly cared about and things just didn’t go well…here are some things you probably didn’t do and that’s probably why she is no longer feeling you.
12. BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS! From the moment you approach a woman, you better be clear about what you are approaching her for. Don’t sell us a dream of relationships and marriages when you know damn well you have never committed to a single woman in your life! Just walk up to us and say “I ain’t shit but I’m still going to holla at you” and let us decide if we want to take the risk of dating a hot mess! Some women actually would while most of us would bolt. But you already knew that…that’s why you sold us a dream right off the bat.
11. SUPPORT US ON OUR DREAMS! Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had huge dreams…mainly for my career. I had a ten year plan that took me eleven years to achieve. To God be the glory, HE has allowed me to achieve all of them to the point that I now have new dreams to add on to the ones that came true! 🙏🏽 Along the way, I did not meet one man (whether he was happy in his career or not) that was 100% supportive of me. I got hit with ultimatums after ultimatums to the point that I could no longer be at peace in those relationships. Yet I cheered on all my boyfriends and ex factors as they went after what they wanted but there was no one there to cheer me on. We women are nurturers but sometimes it would be nice to be nurtured. It would have been great if just one of my men said “I believe in you and I’m here to support you.” It just never happened. That’s one of the reasons why I’m not married now. Every man I could be serious with wanted to change me and my dreams. My dreams were always bigger than just being a wife and a mother. Why should I have to choose between my career and a family? Men certainly don’t have to.
10. HELP OUT WITH YOUR FAMILIES ACTIVELY! 99% of my male and female friends are married. A lot of my female friends mention constantly that their husbands do not help out more especially with their children. I only have one stay at home mom friend so that means most of these women are also holding down a career too. Would it hurt you men to change diapers, wash the dishes, and spend quality time with your children? Give your wives a consistent break! I grew up with Papa Michaels, who is a manly man, making most of my meals and ironing my uniforms until I went off to college! As a matter fact, he did all the food shopping and that included buying my sanitary napkins! What I learned through all of this is if a man can’t support me the way my father does…I don’t want him!✌🏾️
9. COMMITMENT! Nowadays everyone wants a pseudo relationship and don’t want to do the work of a real relationship. It’s partly our faults as women for accepting this behavior. But you should know that if you are dating a good woman, who knows her worth, she won’t stand for it! Soon we will be gone! If you want the benefits of a relationship, learn to fully commit or don’t FUCK with us at all! This is where I am in my life. After the final break up with the ex factor, I never want to accept less than I’m worth again! Side note to the women: if he can’t say girlfriend and fully commit, don’t expect him to even know how to say the word wife! Recognize the game and decide if you want to play.
8. LISTEN TO US! A lot of times men assume that when we open up our mouths it’s just to complain. This is simply not true. A good woman will send warning shots (also known as verbally warning you) when your relationship is in trouble. If we say we need you at home more or we need more quality time with you, please be willing to hear us out. I promise you there is a deep message there!
7. EMOTIONALLY NEGLECT US! Now this one goes with number 8. Emotional neglect is one of the main reasons why some women end up cheating. I’ve been there twice. Love one man but he doesn’t treat me well nor listen to me. I knew I should leave him but my love for him was strong. So I let another man in, emotionally at first, and I’m sure you get the picture from there. If another man knows how your woman’s day was and you don’t…you are in trouble! He’s just laying the bricks to steal her away and from the looks of it…he just might get his way! If you are there for us on all levels, good women won’t even think about leaving you!
6. HOLD US! I know most men dread holding women but it does open up a door of intimacy that sex can’t! I never use to like to be held until I dated a football player in college (WE ARE! PENN STATE!). He loved cuddling and he made me fall in love with it. It was the one time in my life I felt safe and secure with a man. Even though we dated on and off for years and neither of us ever fell in love…he’s the one man in my romantic life that I respect! His girl is a very lucky woman!
5. FOREPLAY! I get so tired of men with big penises (YES🙌🏽) just trying to ram that shit in my tiny vagina! If you don’t eat pussy, you should still take the time to warm us up emotionally and physically! I don’t know a fucking woman alive who wants to just be poked! Caress the cat and it will purrrrrrr! I can’t even remember the last time I had great foreplay followed by great sex. It’s either been one or the other. Yikes! My cat has definitely been neglected!
4. NOT SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH US! The last couple months with the ex factor, even though he was unemployed, he never seem to have time for me. He would squeeze me in somewhere between playing basketball with his boys and hanging with his family. But I honestly never felt I had his undivided attention. It always felt like he was pausing just before he had to be somewhere really important. Never make a woman you care about feel like an option. She should feel like a priority. I work 50-60 hours 6 days a week with a daily 3 hour commute yet I always found time for the ex factor. It’s simple. You make time for what you want and what’s important to you. I never felt important to him…hence why he is no longer in my life. Quality time should never be underrated. It’s the time where you men get an opportunity to listen to us, hold us, and emotionally fulfill us.
3. NEVER SAYING I’M SORRY/I LOVE YOU AND FOLLOWING IT UP WITH CONSISTENT ACTIONS! The two greatest phrases that scare me are “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Some men give blanket apologies and blanket I love you’s! We women know the difference especially when you repeat the same mistakes! If you are truly sorry let your words and actions from that point match. If you love us, don’t be afraid to say it and by all means show us you do. The ex factor always had blanket apologies because he never saw anything wrong with the way he treated me and he never said I love you so I’m pretty sure he didn’t love me. I’m not really sure what kept him in our situation for 5 years and 3 months. Only he knows the answer to that.
2. CHEATING! Once you cheat on a woman, it will be very hard for her to ever look at you the same. You let someone else into our home. You let another person entice and seduce you. You essentially gave away what was so sacred about our love. Having multiple women right now may make you feel like a man but one day when you realize that no love lives in all the women you cheated on your heart with and your one true love won’t come back to you….you will be devastated. Truly good women will not tolerate being cheated on. We want you and all of you! Our love should be enough.
1. BREAKING OUR TRUST! Trust is essential in any good relationship. When you cheat, lie, beat, or just straight up abuse, you break all the trust and faith we have in you. I’ve always heard it takes seconds to break trust and years to try to rebuild it…yet things are never the same. Be the man you promised or vowed to be. Be the man you would want for your mother, aunt, sister, or cousin. BE A GOOD MAN that is loved and respected not just because of his gender and his ability to financially provide but because he is THE MAN GOD INTENDED TO WIN THIS WOMAN’S HEART AND MAKE HER WORLD BE FILLED WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS! AMEN! ~KJM saying love with all of you or none of you on Temptation Tuesday!