The deeper my feelings get for Elijah is the more I want to please him. The last time we had sex I was mentally somewhere else. It wasn’t his fault. What I found out from talking with my sister, Brenda, is that I did not have a good sex life with the ex factor. The ex factor made me do all the work, never gave me head, and most of the time was just focused on himself. Part of it was my fault. Because I loved him so much…every touch felt magical and I never once said…hey I’m not cuming here and we need to work on that. So now sex with Elijah seems intimidating because I feel like I’ve to unlearn everything I did with the ex factor for the last 5 years! Sex should be reciprocal. I should never have let the ex factor get away with feeling like he pleased me when in actuality…he didn’t. The times our sex life was good really was in the beginning. I haven’t climaxed vaginally since May 2010 (before meeting the ex factor)! Things are so bad my 22 year old sister is giving me sex advice! I’m mortified!!! Fuck my life! Elijah if you are reading this…don’t give up on me. Stay patient and understanding. I believe in us! ~KJM saying I think a broken heart stole my libido!