A few days ago, I read a letter that was submitted to the author Zane’s page. Let me start off by saying…I’ve no clue how old this woman is or what race she is and Zane did respond to her. I’ve decided to blog about this letter today because an even deeper issue that affects most women but that is literally killing black women at a faster rate was the hidden theme in the letter. Now let me back up. This woman said she’s been dating a man whom she waited to have sex with after four months of dating. Once they finally had sex, he told her he liked to have his salad tossed and claims to not be gay. She was uncomfortable with the idea of tossing anyone’s salad but still did it numerous times even with him not washing his ass and shit flying everywhere! At one point, he even stuck his finger in his ass, pulled out shit, made her suck his shitty finger, and then he climaxed! WHAT THE FUCK?! I got so turned off from reading this letter. I mean I’m trying not to judge but that shit (no pun intended) sounds nasty and unsanitary. Here’s the deeper issue for me: why do we as women do things that we are uncomfortable with and often times succumb to a man’s demands? Putting aside any type of abuse involved in a relationship, I’m discussing why would we willing let someone else destroy our mind, body, and spirit? Now I’m like any other woman…I’ve made some mistakes in life with who I dated and trusted with my body. I have dated two men (which I deeply regret) who I felt had disrespected my body when I entrusted them with it. Once when I was 20 and another time when I was 31 and on the rebound from the ex factor and allowed a male lunatic with female tendencies to enter my life! Both times I had to run and get checked out for all STDs, which by the way I do once a year since I was 20 years old with my annual Pap smear. I’ve had tests done even the years I was celibate! Since that scare I had at 20yrs old with a male hoe who liked to take off the condom during sex, I don’t play with my health! Both times, I was very hard on myself…especially the second time (when I was 31) because he wasn’t even a man I was attracted to! But I digress… Point being is we as women have to be proactive in making sure that men respect our bodies and making sure we only do what we are comfortable with. What I’ve found, over the years, is my two incidences are the norm for most women. We are out there risking our healths and afraid to speak up about our sexual preferences! But why? Men do it all the time. Now y’all know I’ve had one guy (the male lunatic with female tendencies that I briefly dated at 31) toss my salad. I never requested it! However, I did say it felt great but Kingston never returned the favor! Nor did he ask me to because like who the fuck does that? Side note…that tossed salad was my big red flag to RUN not walk out of that relationship because no other man I’ve ever been with ever suggested such a thing! Now back to this young (I’m hoping she’s young because some of us are too old to be making these mistakes) woman. Why would she willing eat shit to please a man? Plus she stated that they don’t use condoms! The HIV rate for black women is astonishing and depressing. There are many factors that contribute to the high rate. What’s crazy is that us (black women) simply engaging in sexual activity safely that we are comfortable with would help reduce the HIV rate for us! I’ve been on birth control since I was 21 and even the time I took off from taking it, I kept condoms in my bag everywhere I went….even in my celibate years. 98% of the time, my men were required to wear a condom even though I was on the pill and some of the time I did not disclose I was on the pill. Granted the 2% that I described in this blog could have killed me! And trust me no one punishes themselves like I do. After the situation when I was 31, I became obsessed with getting tested to the point I was getting tested for STDs every 3 months. It got to the point that both my GYN and my sister had to beg me to forgive myself for getting into a very dangerous and high risk relationship! I’m lucky I escaped that situation with not only my life but good health! To God be the glory! Ladies of all races, we have to do better with sticking up for ourselves and speaking our mind especially on important issues like our sexual/reproductive health. Don’t let a man have you eating shit (literally) and you sit their eating it like you are at a Golden Corral buffet. It’s one thing if you are into eating shit (wtf) but if you aren’t and a man is suggesting that’s what you must do to keep him…RUN! Let me leave you with some words of wisdom in case you are similarly situated as the woman in the Zane letter: Papa Michaels told me when I was five years old…“Drugs…don’t do it. Nobody looks good on drugs. And sex…if you are going to do it…make sure it’s always your idea because when those consequences come…you will be the one paying for it. So don’t let Pretty Ricky sweet talk you into doing things you don’t want to!” Now at 5 yrs old I had no fucking clue what he was taking about but he repeated it enough throughout my growing up that it stuck with me. I have made some mistakes along the way but most of the time I was in control of my sexual health. We women need to ALWAYS be in control of our sexual/reproductive health. Never let a man lead you astray. And let’s be honest, as in my situation when I was 31, ….Pretty Ricky ain’t always pretty. Sometimes he ugly as fuck with some money and job security! Lmfao! Don’t get got! Pop your pill and walk with condoms! Lastly, only engage in sexual activity you are comfortable with and expressly say what you are not comfortable with. If he’s truly a good man, he will respect your requests and your body! And if he doesn’t, get out of that relationship ASAP! Life is simply just too short to let someone else take hold of your mind, body, and soul like that! ~KJM on Hump Day asking…Is That Shit On The Bed?! Oh lawd….