Mercury is currently in retrograde for the third and last time this year. For those who don’t understand what this means…google it. Shit is backwards and most signs are feeling the effects. And of course I’ve been showing my ass! So much so that I ain’t making no sudden movements until November 21! If you have something you want to hash out with me…it’s best to wait until then because I can’t guarantee what the outcome is going to be. I could hug you or I could tell you to go F yourself. Man…it could be a little bit of both. 🤦🏽♀️ So I’m putting my foot in my mouth (with some help) and Mercury’s backwards ass is watching like my life is some good reality tv! 🤦🏽♀️ So I sit and wait for some sort of normalcy. Sitting and waiting. Did I mention that I’m running so late this morning that I actually had to have a conversation with myself and ask myself if I was really headed to work?! 😳 Took a look at my bills and realized I had to go…. 😕 On NJ transit now…so I’m headed to somewhere in the city….bobbing and weaving the universe as I hold on to my lace frontal! I’m kind of wondering why Mercury’s butt did not write ahead of time to say….Hey Kingston, not only are the winter blues gonna tear you up but this retrograde is gonna have you looking like a clown around town?! That kind of letter would have been appreciated. One thing I’m learning is what I will and will not tolerate from myself and others. There are some I’m so sorry the retrograde got you caught up in my web and others that I’m making note are toxic folks year round…the retrograde is just highlighting what I may have missed. Did I mention that lately everything makes me cry? 🤦🏽♀️ Damn that Mercury! I mean besides in times of death and sickness….I’m learning to cry when my money is funny! 🙄🤷🏽♀️ Yup losing what’s left of my fake mink eyelashes (at least I think they are) knowing damn well I can’t afford to go back and see my lash lady no time soon! 🤦🏽♀️ Just plain Tom foolery…. yup that’s what this retrograde is. I wonder if this is how pregnant women feel throughout the entire nine months?! Or menopausal women?! 👀 If so….I just can’t be apart of none of that! Trying to figure out how to get this bitch Mercury off of me? Got ideas?! I mean ideas that require absolutely no jail time?! I’m…like…too pretty…for jail. 🤦🏽♀️😂🤗 ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. How’s the retrograde treating y’all? Anybody wig still on right? Lashes still in place? Write in and let me know lol. ❤️
Sitting in traffic and have time to reveal more of myself to you. There are three months left in the year…. How are you feeling about 2019? For me…the highs were high (like my Vegas Birthday celebration) and the lows were low… financially it was a rough year. Also, I had to cut off or distance myself from some folks that I never thought I would. 2019 was definitely a better year for me than 2018 but it was definitely not my “year of arrival.” You know what I mean….that year that God blesses you in every area of life. 🙏🏾 I’m still living paycheck to paycheck in a job I can’t stand…and still in a “situationship.” When it comes to end goals for a relationship…I am still not quite clear on marriage and children. Like are they for me? 🤷🏽♀️ So that’s part of the reason why the Ex Factor gets away with some of the mess he does. 🤦🏽♀️ BECAUSE I NEED TO BE CERTAIN ABOUT WHAT I WANT BEFORE I DEMAND IT!!!! And I need to be certain on what I’m willing to give to him AND us. Not all women are ready for a serious relationship as early as most. I AM STILL GROWING AND LEARNING. ❤️ BUT I for sure have an idea of how I want my family life, friendships, and money to run!!!! 🤷🏽♀️ Guess these things are still going to take more time in God’s plan?! Sometimes I wish HE would fill me in on the end goals of my life… lol. Like let me take a sneak peak at HIS blueprint for my life. 🤷🏽♀️ Now approaching the Lincoln Tunnel and reflecting on the fact that as much as NYC drains and exhausts me at times….I LOVE IT! 😍Currently rocking this black see through kimono style jacket with my Blue Bang MAC Lipstick….and I’m ready for the subway. Ready to just be me. No matter what…I know I have a blessed life and I am completely grateful for it. 🙏🏾 Just reflecting while I sit in traffic. Open to new chapters and more laughter. Open to just enjoy being in love in this present moment. It was never my plan to fall in love with any guy…much less fall in love (and hate at times) with one man for 9 years. Ups and downs…highs and lows….at least I now know that shit is possible. Sitting in the tunnel with my heart beating. 💙 Present in my own life…through the good and bad. I think that’s what it is all about. 💙💙💙 ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday! Have a blessed day! Make the most of it!!!!
Today’s #NoMakeUpSundayEdition #vulnerability #healing #truth #serenity #sunday #Sundaymotivation #Sundaymood #SundayTruths #SundayVibes #selflove #selfcare #yoga #meditation #higherbeing https://youtu.be/11GrhwPfFwE
The one that got away … from me….was not my lover, my man, nor my lust. He was someone more meaningful. But I could not see it. I could not even feel him. I was all over the place…all three times…that he approached me on us being something real. I…just could not…see it. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until recently that I realized what he was saying and in the most awkward way. We took some pictures back in the end of 2002/beginning of 2003. I have seen these pictures a million times. After all, they are in one of my photo albums from college. A few years ago, I screenshot some of these pictures and posted them on FB. So these pictures have been a part of my life for so long. They are me and I am them. But the other day, FB memories showed one and my mouth dropped open. I saw something I had never seen before! 😳 Now you have to understand where I am coming from…I HAVE STARED AT THE PHOTO IN QUESTION HUNDREDS OF TIMES IN THE LAST 16 YEARS! But like I never really LOOKED deeply at it. I’m not sure how I could have missed it….missed what was there. There he was…smiling hard…and there I was….looking happy, secure, and glowing. We looked like a COUPLE IN LOVE! 🤦🏽♀️ To be sure, I sent my sister, Brenda, the picture with no words and she instantly thought he was someone I had dated and forgot to mention. That man wanted to marry me and I was oblivious to what he was saying at the time. Too focused on Jason, Julio, Crazy, and Phoenix. Too preoccupied to know…he was on to something. Too stupid to realize…he was my protector. After all, he had been my protector….all through college. Too busy honoring folks who never really honored me. Too busy thinking my heart and mind were clear on most things. It took til I got in my 30s for me to realize…I don’t know shit. My one that got away was not my lover, my man, nor my lust. HE WAS MY FRIEND! ❤️ That means he has seen my crazy upfront and still wanted me. I still think women do the choosing in relationships and should continue to do so…but you know what that picture was telling showing me…had there been no Jason (because they were teammates)…I just may have chose him too. After all, I chose him to be my friend up until 2012. Then I let him go. Part of me wants to post the photo I’m referring to but if you are on my private page…you have seen it. And I’m not going to post somebody’s husband for over a decade and change…publicly…in what could be seen as a disrespectful. So I have no choice but to let it go. Why am I telling you all this? There was a part of me that could have gone with him but I just could not see it. Over his non married years, we have slept next to each other. Him holding me. Him protecting me. Him being consistent. And all we did was sleep! He has seen me in my head scarf, seen me hurt from Crazy, seen me worrying about my safety when I was leaving Crazy, and seen me date Jason on and off. My homie really held me down. I think he got me. Took me like 20 years to see it…see myself happy, secure, and glowing. But I lived it. We were there and part of me was with him…my one that got away. ❤️ ~KJM flashing back on Flashback Friday. I really hope you are super happy my friend! You made the right choice. May eternal joy and love always fill you and your wife’s hearts. One Love 💙
It was July 14, 2010. We were by the Tappan Zee Bridge. Sun showers surrounded us and in that moment you took my hand as we ran for cover. I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt at home. And it was in that simple moment that I fell in love with you…the Ex Factor. It took exactly one month of us dating for me to be sure I was in love. I didn’t plan it. Lord knows I would never have purposely put myself through all I have endured in these last nine years if I could have helped it. I fell…never thinking I could ever fall so deeply in love with anyone. Who you showed yourself to be then…wasn’t who you turned out to be. Yet I was in too deep to turn back around. Summer 2010 flowed effortlessly. We laughed. We talked. We laughed some more. We made love everywhere and anywhere. I had never wanted to spend so much time with a guy before. I think…that summer…we were together at least five out of the seven days of the week. Most weeks….it was six days. And I basked in all that was you. I watched you sleep. Something I would not do again for another eight years! Each breath you took….my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t have it all figured out….how could I?! This was just suppose to be a summer thing until I worked things out with Julio and you with your first love. That was the plan! But within one month of knowing you…my heart scratched the plan and began writing an unknown song. So much around me was going wrong…yet I clung to you and we laughed. We made love….for hours…sometimes days. You were mine and I was yours. So I thought. Love actually doesn’t give one enough time to think. Love is a FEEL thing. I felt! And I hoped we could work things out. Then all of a sudden, the summer was ending and I got a job in DC…which gave me 48 hours to relocate. This changed everything. You didn’t want to do long distance. That made sense because none of us knew if I was ever coming back to Jersey. Turns out…I would hate my job and return to you…fully…in two months. The first real thing we had to deal with threw off the course of our summer affair. Yet I loved! And I hung on. I never ever held on to anyone so tight…before you. We fought Labor Day weekend 2010 and decided to split. Yea….I’m backing up here a bit. Your family threw a bbq that weekend. You laughed with your friends while I was home packing and crying. Still I could not let you go. I laugh so hard at this thought now because all I’ve done ever since then was let you go. Some how…though…you always found your way back to me. Up until I started making Vegas my home for Labor Day weekends, I use to dread the anniversary of Labor Day 2010. I should have broke my own heart right then and there. I should have forever walked away!!! I regret. I regret. I regret but how can I…when I made a decision with my heart for the very first time in my life! I did the best I could. I tried! And no matter how many times I tell this story…remember that I was once happy and I was once deeply in love…with you. To all who are reading this….I say…sometimes you have to break your own heart to be free. If I had had the courage to let go Labor Day weekend….I may have found my forever love by now. A guy that can communicate. A guy who knows how to love. A guy who appreciates me. Nine years later…I want to slap myself in the face but what good would that do? Hearts want what they want. And it took me 29 years to listen to my heart. ~KJM in Charm School Monday. And so the saga continues. 🤦🏽♀️