Happy MLK and Charm School Monday! It is freezing in the Tri State area but I’m still going to type with these frozen fingers as I commute to work. 😘 Over the weekend, the Ex Factor asked me if I thought marriage was sacred. He did not believe it was because divorce exists. My answer was too complicated to share with him in that moment but last night I finally found the words and text it to him. Before I share my views on marriage…it’s important to note that the Ex Factor and I also got into an unexpected argument about marriage, family, and raising children. I am not sure what was bugging him so much but for me…he hit a nerve when he said women were illogical and irrational. As an example, he threw in my face that he’s still in my life despite the fact that I say he no longer treats me well. This statement, I felt at the time, was an attack on my self esteem. Thus, my ego entered the room and just could not let his ego win. I have yet to learn that not every argument is worth having. Things ended tensely. We have had millions of arguments over the phone or through text but in person…we had never had one until now. Usually just seeing his face softens me but not this time. I’m not even going to repeat what I said about men. If you have been following this blog, I’m sure you have an idea. Lol. But I digress. Here’s my answer to the Ex Factor’s question about marriage: “They say what is illogical and unexplainable are acts of God. If you can reason it…it is in human form and does not require faith. As for marriage, I do believe it’s sacred. Sacred is saying it’s a sacrament that should not be broken but does not mean it cannot be broken for God gave us (humans) free will. I know it’s sacred because (1) it is ordained by God, (2) I steer clear of married men for I fear the wrath of God, and (3) I will not enter into marriage lightly. What is sacred does not mean it is guaranteed to last forever (God can make us no such promise because of the free will He gave us). It just means that there are consequences if it is broken. Many marry for many different reasons but it does not mean they viewed marriage as sacred. If one is questioning the sanctimony of marriage…they are really questioning their faith. For no one knows what the road holds but faith tells true believers that what is illogical and irrational is an act of God. This is why some couples who (from the outside) look odd may thrive in a way perfect looking couples do not. It is unexplainable. Romance is a human thing. Love and loyalty for someone when all the romantic feelings have long left you…is an unexplainable act of God. Had to think about it long and hard to give you my answer. I do believe in marriage but not in the way most do. I don’t believe one person can truly fulfill ALL of another’s needs forever (or even for a short period of time). But our duty to God is not about our needs. It’s about fulfilling His true purpose for us. The Bible says the first marriage is ordained by God. My mom and I argue about this often. If we have free will and we choose for ourselves…then that person may not be who God chose for us. Thus the first marriage may not be the first marriage in God’s eyes. Just my two cents which I’m sure you will disagree with. Lol. This is long but I don’t think you will mind since I’m not telling you off. Lol.” He now loathes my long curse him out texts. Hmmm…I wonder why? Lol. I don’t have all the answers but my faith tells me that marriage is very sacred. No one ever showed me what a healthy marriage looked like (even though the Michael’s have been legally married for 34 years🙄). My brother, Junior, says we have to teach ourselves what true love and commitment looks like since we have no blueprint. I admire his views and his strides to make that happen in his own relationship. As for me, I am a work in progress as I lay at night with my ego and pride. Lol. But I am no fool to think long term commitment (especially a marriage) is easy. The Ex Factor still lives in some sort of fairytale that I think his parents (who are now married 31 years) read to him. I pray his skepticism of marriage isn’t coming from them (who I have always heard referred to as happily married). I grew up in the school of the hard knocks with the Michael’s family. I have no where to go but up from here. No fairytale was ever recited to me but my mama taught me how to stand on faith and I think that’s what you need more than ever to excel in a marriage. Yes I illogically and irrationally love the Ex Factor but it’s clear he does not understand how unconditional love works. It is not something that makes sense. It is not in the human form…for unconditional love is an act of God. I cannot touch it. I cannot see it but my faith tells me that even in the trials and tribulations…it exists and it is a gift from God. ~KJM on Charm School Monday. 💕 I am a firm believer that you will only know if you can make it to forever…when you actually do.
I am so sorry that I have not blogged all week. After 9 days of being on vacation, getting up every morning was a struggle. On average, I ran behind 45 minutes to an hour each day but I did make it to work! 🙌🏽 Thank God for small miracles! Lol. Hopefully by next week I will be back to my normal schedule or just accept my new one! Lol. I hope you all had a very happy and positive start to 2018. 💕 Did you make any resolutions? I sure did not. In 2017, I made the most resolutions and achieved them all! From moving out on my own (again) to losing weight to reading for fun…I smashed the hell out of my goals! 🙌🏽 What achieving my short term goals taught me is I can do anything I put my mind to…whenever I want. For some, having very structured ways to go about achieving their goals works for them. For others like myself…that just does not work. All I did was remind myself that small changes add up to big changes over time. And then I also reminded myself that each goal is for my betterment. They are proof of my self love. That’s all it took for me to achieve all of my resolutions. And even when I back tracked on my goals (like weight loss) and ended up where I started…I reminded myself that small changes got me to where I wanted to be and it can do it again. You see…the power is always within us. I had goals and no time to second guess them. 2017 was a busy year on all levels. It gave me no time to dwell on my gains nor my losses. I HAD TO KEEP GOING! And that’s what I did. 🙌🏽 Put one foot before the other even when I could not see the way. And that’s how I achieved what appeared to be the unachievable! I just simply kept going and that is now what I’m asking you to do. Put one foot before the other, move forward, and be assured that the answers will come when they are suppose to. Remember that a setback says nothing about you except that you are human. Look for the positive in the setback and keep moving trusting that wherever you are headed to is full of self love and self acceptance for all beautiful things in life flow from both of those things. I wish you a magical and blessed year filled with the deepest self love, growth, and adventure you have ever known! 💕 ~KJM on Flashback Friday. 💜
Happy Serenity Saturday to all my readers. You are hearing from me earlier than I expected. I am currently flying from over the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean and in order to keep myself from pulling the bitch‘s hair that keeps falling on me from the lady sitting next to me…I have decided to blog. 😇 Yes I am in an economy seat so things are tight but she sleeping in her seat like she at home…foot cocked up and all! Then she got the nerve to take off her stanking shoes and put them in my leg room. I have kicked her feet three times already! 😇 Bitch you ain’t home! 🔪 But I digress. Back to blog life. Lol. Yesterday, while I was packing, I managed to catch the marathon of last seasons “Married To Medicine.” Now I haven’t watched this show in years but I am familiar with most of the ladies on there. The biggest shocker was that “perfect” Jackie’s husband cheated on her and now they are getting a divorce! I call Jackie perfect because she is usually not part of the many dramas on the show and just focuses on being a doctor. At first wind of Jackie’s husband’s infidelity, I did not bat an eye. These men (especially black men) betraying us sistas is very common. This is not to say I think cheating in ones marriage is okay (for anyone). I am just saying cheating is a popular topic amongst all the races. Now what gave me a double take is when I saw Jackie’s tired run down husband! I mean next to her and her beautiful self, he looks like he can barely get the penis up to pee straight much less cheat! 😐 How dare he?! And how dare the woman who allowed that pee in the bed penis inside of her…that is if she knew he was married! Fifteen years of marriage and a breast cancer survivor and this is what Jackie gets? Child…I was too hot!✌🏾🔪🔪🔪 But this brings me to an interesting observation that I’m really sharing with the men because we women already know this: the longer we are with you men…monogamy is difficult for us too but women are true warriors so most of us stay faithful. 🙌🏽 It is a known fact that we women are at our sexual peak way into our later years…while most men hit their peak in their teens and twenties! 🙌🏽 What does this mean to a man? It means we tired of y’all same lazy sex stroke too! 🙄🤣🙌🏽 I always hear men say that “for every beautiful woman they see…there’s a man tired of fucking her!” 🙄 Bro, do you really want to go there with me?! There are times in our long term relationships we get so fucking disgusted with y’all that we hope the penis just falls off so we won’t ever have to deal with it! 😩 Don’t ask me where that thing falls off and rolls to…we just don’t care. 😳 And check it, the longer we are with y’all the worse the sex gets because while y’all are busy looking at Pretty Young Thangs and daydreaming about getting it up and sleeping with them…your long term woman’s sex drive has most likely increased and you ain’t even giving her the big D right no more…and your little shriveled up d ain’t doing shit! 🙌🏽 One of the reasons why men feel like it’s okay to publicly complain about what they aren’t getting in the bedroom is because (1) it’s socially acceptable but if we did it to y’all…society would burn us at the stake…calling us sex driven disloyal hoes who should be happy to have a man! 🔪✌🏾😩 And (2) because women from all over the world have been taught to build their men up even when that same tired dick stroke ain’t doing shit! 🙌🏽 So y’all think you doing something by having these affairs and we suppose to just stay home and be happy we have a man! Boy bye! ✌🏾 We want that unforgettable back breaking dick that some of y’all gave us when we first met you!😍 Over the years, many of you have let yourselves go, have beer bellys, and barely like to wash your asses! 😐 Nasty! We are turned off by you but our commitment to our vows (if married), commitment to our children (if we have any) and our self respect keeps us loyal (for the most part). We need to be appreciated too! I spent most of my dating life with my two long term boos (Julio and the Ex Factor) not feeling wanted! That’s a total of 18 years between the two of them! Damn! FYI. A man cannot make a woman feel fully wanted through sex alone! 🙌🏽 We women go through so much and suffer in silence…even in our dating lives and feel trapped when married! Speaking of marriage…the majority of us women are scared of it too! One penis for the rest of our lives until death do us part?! Who the fuck does that sound good to? ✌🏾Moral of the story here: guys every time you are going to complain about your woman in the bedroom…remember there’s a great chance she hyping up your piss (no pun intended) poor performance to save your manhood! You probably haven’t hit her G spot nor helped around the house in over a decade and she’s turned off too! Bro, you ain’t the only one! Monogamy is easy for no one! This is why I always prefer having two boyfriends at one time (one that tends to the emotional and the other that tends to the physical) cause I ain’t never met a man who could consistently satisfy one woman on all levels! 🙌🏽 But society has taught us women how to do without! 🔪 Child…that’s the tea right there! -KJM on Serenity Saturday. Yes I’m back for the 2018! If you love my work, please share it! “Love is a battlefield!” In 2018, I hope we all get and give love, appreciation, emotional support, and some bomb ass sex! 😜
Happy New Year from Kingston Expressions! May your 2018 be filled with peace, love, and blessings! ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. FYI. I am currently on vacation. Blog will resume when I get back home. 💜
I awoke around 1am…after only sleeping for three hours. Christmas turned out to be peaceful so I had no idea why my spirit had awaken me. Somewhere in my restlessness I dozed off again. And I dreamt him. He was in a black shirt and I was in a red one. We were laying on my couch. I was on top of him…facing the ceiling and he was…holding me. Not in a sexual introduction way. No it was more like he was securing me and…we…were…smiling. No clue what we were pretending to watch…as the television was on in the background. It was clear that we were in a moment…where it was just us. No one else mattered…just the Ex Factor and I. He felt like home…like I was home…and his strength was not weighing me down (like before) but lifting me up. It was a different vibe. No arguing. No words at all. Just him holding me and securing me. That’s what I was dreaming. And what a beautiful dream it was. They say magical things occur on Christmas or in the midst of the Christmas spirit and I’m guessing that’s why God sent me this dream. And I am forever grateful because for a moment…things were my version of perfection. We just were. Not fighting about anything. Just being. In reality, I am still taking my space. I am not sure what my next move will be but it will come to me when it is suppose to. For now, the magic of Christmas fills my soul. 💜 ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that Love wrapped you in the palm of her hands.
Well I told you we weren’t done with the lessons from the show “Insecure.” In season 2, Lawrence, a single man with a broken heart, starts to fuck other women. 🙄 Right. Smart idea. 😩 The first woman he met at his bank and of course he screws her over. She is the one who calls out the newly single Lawrence for what he now is…a FUCK BOY! Now you got to watch the show to find out why but here’s what we can take away from this. Back in my day, fuck boys were honest (for the most) about wanting to only fuck. I prefer guys like this (for example Crazy and Phoenix) because you know what you can expect from them…dick and only dick! 🙌🏽 They know they ain’t shit and immediately share that revelation with the rest of us! 🤣 This is why I never fell for either of them…even though they both gave me a top notch dick down. 🤣🙌🏽 I understood the rules of the game from the jump and played my position. Crazy and I were friends before and after we had sex…so there was something more there. And in his defense, he did offer me a relationship from day one of us messing around but I turned him down because he was not good enough for me. He wasn’t doing shit with his life and I wasn’t signing up to destroy mine. So friends with benefits worked for us…though there were many bumps in the road. One thing I got to give him is he actually courted me. We dated. Like went on real dates for years but there was no winning me over…I knew what he was….because he told me from the door. And there’s just no reforming a fuck boy unless he truly wants to change for himself. 🙌🏽 Now back to the modern day fuck boys. Nowadays, fuck boys (much like the Ex Factor) believe in their heart of hearts that they are really good guys! 😳 Here’s a reality check to these special types of fuck boys…just because you may have been good to one girl/woman who fucked you over…doesn’t erase your fuck boy status for all the other women y’all screwing over! 🙌🏽 A fuck boy is a fuck boy! Here are 5 ways to realize the game of these new skool fuck boys: 5. HE IS MISTER EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE UNTIL YOU CATCH FEELINGS! When you first meet these pretend guys…they try to be your everything until you catch feelings. Once you start to care…you find out they are as cold as ice. In his mind, he’s a good guy because he at least let’s you know he cares. 😐✌🏾🙄 Motherfucker…keep your care. Bitches ain’t checking for that. You are a waste of fucking time and space. Take your fake care and kiss our asses. A real good dude would never awaken a woman’s love to only back away from it. You are not a good guy! You are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌🏾4. HE IS NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP (AFTER YOU CATCH FEELINGS)! These weak ass boys have the nerve to think they are honest but they aren’t! If from day one they said they did not want to get into something serious…a woman could respect that. That way we know what we are getting into if we decide to play this game. But noooooo! They wait to drop that bomb on us when we are in too deep then have the nerve to say they were honest with us! But no you weren’t! You hid your true self until you knew you had us! You aren’t an honest dude…you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌🏾 3. THEIR FEELINGS CHANGE MORE THAN THEIR DRAWS! These motherfuckers are bipolar without being clinical. One day they care and the next they don’t. Got to wonder sometimes if they are really men because I have only known women to change their minds constantly. These assholes should just wear our thongs because a real man knows what he wants and goes after it! A real man has no time for “just for now pussy” and is only after his version of a Michelle Obama to build his empire. If you ain’t about building and/or are tearing things down….you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌🏾 2. HE IS OR HAS BECOME A NETFLIX AND CHILL DUDE! I am so tired of telling y’all that pussy will always cost! It ain’t free even if it look free! Ladies, a dude who only wants to chill at YOUR crib is a fuck boy! He’s using up your electricity, you water, and your heat! Don’t get me started on what heat costs in the winter time! 😐 This type of dude is a damn liability! He is using all your resources and only giving you some tired used up penis as payment?! If pussy always costs money…please know that dick is like a Discover card everywhere only MasterCard and Visa are accepted. 🙌🏽🤣 Dick doesn’t pay for shit so it’s a declined form of payment for our pussy mileage! We are better off kicking it with the dude who can at least afford the 2 for 20 at Applebee’s. If this ain’t you…you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌🏾1. HE MAKES YOU PAY FOR EVERY OTHER BITCH’S MISTAKE! Once upon of time, these pretend good guys cared about some woman and she dicked them over. The pretend good guy then moves on quickly…burning every bitch at the stake that actually cares about him. A fuck boy makes you pay for another bitch’s sins. Real men acknowledge who hurt them and slowly move on to a greater deeper love. It’s not every woman’s fault what was done to him. A real man knows that good women are still out there and he shouldn’t stop being a good dude because of some bad experiences! 🙌🏽 A real man knows to choose better the next time he finds love and has all the strength in the world to treat his new woman with all the love, respect, loyalty, and trust she deserves! 🙌🏽 A fuck boy, on the other hand, is broken and will stay broken. He will leave a trail of broken pussy unless these women see him for what he really is…A FUCK BOY…and they stop dealing with him accordingly! ✌🏾 The worst kind of fuck boy is the one that thinks he is a good person when he really is an ain’t shit dude! If I ever have to deal with fuck boys…I prefer the ones who are honest (with others and with themselves) about who they are! ~KJM on Hump Day! FYI. I am officially retired from dealing with fuck boys!🙌🏽 “Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned” by Alicia Keys
Recently, I binged watched the HBO show, “Insecure.” First season was okay and second season was great. So many life lessons in it. Today…let’s tackle one…cheating on a good man. Now I know many of you are chastising me for not being against cheating all together but if we women kept it 100 all the time, we would realize that some men never deserved our good pussy followed with loyalty especially when he is dipping out on us. If you are with a dirty dog…it’s best to end the relationship, change your address, and move on with someone better but sometimes shit ain’t that cut and dry. Sometimes shit is crazy messy…even when we did not intend it to be. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the mess. In my opinion, there are two types of women who cheat: (1) the neglected and/or abused one and (2) women who cheat (much like men) because they can get away with it. Out of all the cheating women I have known, most of them fell in the former category more than the latter. The men they loved left them exposed and insecure. These men forgot to value their women and boyfriend number two stepped in to say all the things she has been wanting to hear. 😍 Also, boyfriend number two most likely was hitting that pussy like he just got out of jail. He HUNGRY…not leaving one taste unsavored when eating the box. 😘 And we are so desperate to be eaten right even if it’s not from our true love. Boyfriend number 2 never forgets to tell us how beautiful we are and he notices everything about us. If he’s a good boyfriend number 2…he will play his position well with no expectations and just do his fucking job with no drama. That was Phoenix for me. He played his position well and knew he was hired to do a job…and that’s all I’m giving him credit for! 🙌🏽 But I digress into a place of nasty ecstasy! 😍 Back to the blog at hand. In the first season of “Insecure,” Issa cheats on her boyfriend of five years, Lawrence. In most aspects, Lawrence appears to be a good guy but he did spend five years living with Issa without marrying her…two of which he was unemployed and she had to support him. 😩😳🔪🙄🔪 For the sake of today’s blog…let’s say Lawrence is a good guy. In order to fully get today’s lesson, flashback with me to my college years at Penn State. WE ARE! 🙌🏽 A good friend and I sat down and had a discussion about cheating. I won’t say which friend because we are still friends today and are like sisters. But she knows who she is. We made a cheating pact. While neither of us ever thought we could cheat on a guy we cared about, we understood that no one knows themselves in college. Truth be told, no one can ever say what they are going to do in a situation until they are in it! 🙌🏽 We decided that if we ever cheated on a guy we cared about, we would NEVER tell him and break up with him the next day! Neither one of us wanted to continue hurting that guy…even if he didn’t know. It just so happened that before college was over (for her) and just when college was over (for me)…we both cheated. Her cheating fell into the category of neglect and she kept her word and broke up with her boyfriend the next day without telling him about her moment of betrayal. Then came my turn a couple months later. WAIT FOR IT. In some ways, I was not emotionally cared for and had no security in my pseudo relationship. The only time I have ever PHYSICALLY cheated on a guy was when I cheated with Crazy…mister multiple orgasm himself. The irony was…I never meant to. It was an accident. An orgasmic accident. Technically, I was not in a relationship with either guy but was exclusive in my pseudo relationship. While I cheated accidentally….literally tripped and fell on that dick…I cheated because I could get away with it. 😩 How do I know this? I did not keep the cheating pact. My pseudo man was away for 30 days when the incident happened. Before he left, I sexed him for hours. Then my slip up happened the first night he was gone and I sexed Crazy for hours. 😳🙄😐 Shout out to the birth control and condom companies. 🙌🏽 Good looking out! 🤣 This is when I learned that what my Dad said about women was true: we are dangerous creatures when we want to be (our bodies can keep going climax after climax) and when we cheat we hardly get caught because we are smarter than men in this area! 😳 Oh the shame! 😩 I would love to say I regretted that day with Crazy but to this day it was the BEST sex I ever had. Intense. Dramatic. Filled with emotions. Bite for bite. Kiss for kiss. Passion for passion. 😍 It was fucking wrong but I did not ask for it! Yet I am no victim either! 🙄 Crazy followed me home after the club. We didn’t even do it that night. We just slept because he had this thing about not touching me when I drink. It was daybreak that got us. 😳 So why didn’t I break things off with my pseudo boo when he came back? He had just taken me back after five months of separation for some other shit I did (not cheating). If he knew I slept with someone else…he would forever be done with me and I just couldn’t lose him again…not after I just got him back! ✌🏾 I know it was wrong…very fucking wrong but you cannot cheat on a good man! He will never truly let go of it…unless he’s fucking superhuman! I wasn’t in love with him but I cared deeply for him. He was my one good guy. Guess y’all figured out by now that I stepped out on Jason since I only dated two guys in college. While I don’t regret sleeping with Crazy…I do regret Jason and I not solidifying our renewed relationship. If he had been my boyfriend out right…I don’t think I would have opened the door for Crazy that night. But hey…I can’t be sure. 😳Ironically, commitment phobe Crazy thought that having sex (for an entire day😩) meant we were back together. You know I had to correct him quickly! ✌🏾My man would be back in 29 days and I would be there waiting for him. And I was. MORAL OF THE STORY: if you cheat on a GOOD man…he won’t forget it. If he even takes you back…your affair will always be in the back of his mind. And if he leaves you, the next woman will pay for your sins. 😭😩 If you cheat on a BAD man (one that is always cheating on you), he, too, will hold it against you but at least y’all will be even! 🙌🏽🤣 Men always want to be forgiven but are not big on forgiveness especially when a woman cheats! 🙌🏽 Honesty can set you free or destroy everything you may be trying to build. The choice is yours. I made mine many years ago and I think I made the right choice by staying silent about it (until now). 😳😩 While I feel like I have grown out of this childish behavior (at least since 2012😩), I still have no plans of being loyal to a man that isn’t loyal to me and does not secure me in a REAL relationship. Next time I’m just going to change my address though! Lol. KJM getting really ignorant on Temptation Tuesday. No amount of apologies can make up for cheating. If you are going to continuously do it, leave the person you are cheating on. If you made a mistake, like my friend and I did…the choice is yours (if you want to be honest about it or stay silent). Choose wisely. EDITOR’S NOTE: while I do not use real names in my blogs, I did not feel comfortable disclosing which friend I made the pact with. Most women do not want others to know they cheated. However I will say…I have known many women who cheat and most of the time it’s out of neglect/abuse/confusion…not because they are hoes. No one is perfect and we all have our ways of betraying the people we care about. One sin isn’t greater than the other. 🙌🏽
Yesterday I got to spend some much needed time with some of my extended family from Virginia/Jamaica. Before they left, I remembered to seize this beautiful memory by taking photos. It was so beautiful. However, I could not help but notice how much bigger I looked. After they left, I got on the scale and realized I not only gained back the 20 lbs I lost last May but I am also now at my highest weight ever. And I know how I got here. Not fully ready to talk about it…not even with you guys but I know how I got here. I just got into survival mode and food helped me with it. If you couple that with my winter blues…well let’s just say I’m not in a healthy place. Often great weight gain or weight loss is just the symptom of a deeper issue. In rare cases, people have weight issues only because they have a problem with food. The issue tends to be something larger and unmasked that people are ashamed to admit. So here I am…in a place of survival…and from the looks of it…I’m losing. I can say I’m going to try Weight Watchers again or try some other program but I’m not. Those programs show people how to have a better relationship with food and that’s not really my issue. Plus I cannot eat like that forever and already understand how the program works even though I’m no longer on it. I have been working out but need to stick to committing to it more even when my work schedule changes. I am just going to start with baby steps and make some changes. I didn’t get to this place overnight and I won’t get out of it overnight. The most important thing I am going to try to do is stay away from toxic people and love some folks from afar. I always tell you guys to protect your peace but I have not been doing such a great job of it. Those pictures showed it. I have to attack the underlining issue. I need to wrap up my grief and join the living again. I need to join the living again. Recently, I just finished binge watching all 7 seasons of Game Of Thrones and am absolutely obsessed with it. The people from the Iron Islands have a religion motto for all Iron born. They say “what is dead may never die. But rise stronger and harder.” These are great words to live by. If what is dead can never truly die…than a painful rebirth is on its way. ~KJM crying as I write this on Serenity Sunday. I pray for a season of rebirth for you all. To Nicole, Jael, and Nicole’s mommy…I love you! 💕 Editor’s Note: Even when I’m not at the weight I desire…I always dress my best at the weight I am. I have always been smart enough to know that if you don’t love yourself at every stage in life…positive change will never come and stay. Stay healthy my friends and don’t do anything crazy to change your life overnight. Do the work and learn from the process. 💜
Yesterday I had a thought. If we treated the living like the dead…most of us would move on sooner rather than later. You see…death is so final. You cannot love one more day nor lay in your lover’s arms….one more time. It is an earthly goodbye…until you meet again on the other side…that is…if you believe in the other side. I know this all sounds so crazy but hear me out. If someone told me that the best part of him was never coming back…letting go would not be easier…but it would be forced upon me. When we lose an earthly love…many of us wait for their return…sometimes secretly. Hoping there will be a rebirth of love…and for some of us…that rebirth does occur. To those folks…I envy you. You get your heart’s truest desire and everything you went through to get to that person was probably worth it. There are times we all sell our souls and betray ourselves. You see for most of us…this betrayal was for nothing. We end up empty and broken. And for what? Many say to learn a lesson but I say I would have rather learned that lesson through reading books…at least then my heart would still be in tact. But I am not God and I don’t make the rules. So to me…one of the unlucky…it would always seem like it was all for nothing. For nothing. Broken for nothing. If someone had sat me down and explained the death of a living person the way my parents explained the death of a loved one…I would not feel so unprepared and lost. If someone had told me that the best parts of him that I had fallen in love with would never return…that it is a final and complete loss…I would be much more prepared to move on. If someone had explained that the mourning of the parts of him that either never existed or no longer exist was natural…I would be much more prepared to say goodbye. Death is so final and a rebirth is so rare and divine. I wish someone had explained that to me. The best parts of him shall not return…and by choice. If someone had said that his transformation cannot be undone unless God, Himself, wills it…I would understand my great loss and begin to grieve. Then I would pick up the pieces and slowly move forward. For death is final. It is final. The Resurrection is only promised to Jesus. For us sinners and lost souls…it is not promised. So why do we waste so much time praying for a rebirth of our lost love? Because we, humans, still cannot fathom the finality of the death of a living person. We only understand when people we love are lowered into their graves or burned into ashes but even then we take parts of them with us. The living breathing death of a relationship gives the falsity of hope. To many of us, it will never seem final but for many of us…it is final. If only we treated the living like we do the dead…then we could move on making peace with the memories we shared with no hopes of ever sharing them again…and save ourselves a lifetime of grief. He isn’t coming back. The best parts of him, my love, have long died. And so the mourning begins…this time understanding that I, too, am forever changed. ~KJM on Flashback Friday. People change for the better…only when they want to…not when we wish them to. 💕
This morning I almost canceled my Uber when it said it would take 10 mins to get to me but I didn’t. And thank goodness because JUSTIN was worth the wait! 🙌🏽 Fine and smelling great. No clue what his nationality was. At 5:30am, I typically ride the bus and train with smelly men (some in suits) that didn’t wash their ass nor put a swig of toothpaste in their mouth! 😭😩🔪 So to see a good looking man smelling great so early (don’t think he had cologne on…his natural scent got me) is such a turn on. While I could imagine myself jumping over the seat and mounting him…I did not. Nor did I come on to him. (This is the time of year I close the pussyshop up in hopes Santa will bring me something great and ignore all my other nasty deeds from in the year😇). No sexual harassment here. I just tipped him. Now that’s how it’s done 🤣 🙌🏽 #santababy ~KJM on a Throwback Thursday but it’s really feeling like Hump Day😜