I hate gossip! That’s one of the reasons why I don’t do a gossip blog. Sometimes a few gossip headlines may catch my attention but they never hold it. I find that if one is focused on the lives of others (in a negative manner) then they are behind in handling their own life business. And if there’s one thing we will do at Kingston Expressions…is do our life’s work…no matter how hard and messy it gets! We will grow! 🙌🏽 Now on to today’s Charm School Monday lesson! On Saturday, I worked for a couple hours. Consultants often have to work crazy hours to keep their clients happy so I do just that. One of the OLDER (should be too old for this shit) ladies had just returned from vacation. Do you remember poison ivy from one of my earlier 2017 blogs? Yea it’s her again. As I was approaching my desk, I overheard her gossiping with another coworker about me. A third coworker also overheard and by the time I got to my seat, she had repeated poison Ivy’s last words about me. I’m not sure if she did it to be funny or to let me know that they had been discussing me. Either way I played it off and pretended to be unaware of the bull shit occurring. After all, I had fifteen minutes left of work and then my weekend would begin so I was just going to let it ride. What Poison Ivy was stating was not only untrue but it was something she had no personal knowledge of! Now for her to be spreading rumors about me when I’m only a few feet away is crazy. Knowing that she would like a rise out of me, I stayed calm, finished my work, and left…still smiling. I’m not going to lie it really bothered me. I don’t like people to defame my character but it finally sunk in why Ivy was trying to do just that! Clients generally love me and my work so on a whole, I make more than her. She spends all day kissing asses while I’m working my butt off. Ivy is from a privileged class while I am and will forever be the underdog. Privileged people never like to see the underdog rise. She does not get why my black ass is so smart! This is crazy since I’ve all the same credentials as Ivy but once again the privileged will always treat those that are not like the hired help. But I digress. If you recall, Ivy is probably somewhere in her 50s looking like she is 110 years old. The dents on top of dents in her face signal all the lies she’s told and all the hate she has in her heart. You can’t hate and expect to age well! 🙌🏽 That’s a fact and that’s why black don’t crack! Amen! While I was in my feelings about the incident, I remembered a meme I had read several months back. To sum it up, you are not ready to be successful if you aren’t ready for folks to be talking about you and trying to tear you down! Whoa! 🙌🏽 One cannot be a Barack Obama by being loved by everyone. If you are loved by everyone then you are probably a people pleaser that stands for nothing! And if you want to be great you have to stand for something…especially your own success! 🙌🏽 Jesus was not popular and was hated by many…hence His crucification! Remember that every time people try to tear you down! Keep going in your pursuit of happiness and excellence! Don’t stop to address your critics! Your success will do that for you! 🙌🏽~KJM saying watch out for those gossip folks but don’t let them deter you from being great! 😍 Happy Charm School Monday! 💕
Recently, I’ve had a number of readers write to me about how they struggle with forgiving their spouses. One reader is still so hurt from her husband’s affair (over a decade ago). Now you know I don’t like to give the marrieds (or anyone for that matter) advice but UNFORGIVENESS is like my thing (sad to say). While I believe that he did not sleep with her, I spent years punishing the Ex Factor for talking to that chick back in late 2012. You see we wrote some of the rules for our situationship from the jump. Monogamy was one of them. The rule was if we met someone else that we would want to explore with…we would let the other one know FIRST before pursuing the new person. Seven years later and I’ve yet to meet anyone that I want to explore with but I have broken things off to get a break from the Ex Factor and chill with Mister Good For Right Now. With that being said, I held onto that shit until this year! I’ve never trusted him since. It may sound psycho saying this since we were just in a situationship but always remember that for the GEMINI any betrayal is a huge betrayal. We treat it all like your dick or pussy betrayed us. Makes no difference to us if actual physical cheating took place. 🙌🏽 And that one situation pushed the Ex Factor off of the high pedestal I had him on. He fell from grace and…became HUMAN! But I digress…What I’ve learned from that mess was forgiveness is a one way street that divides at one point. It’s either you forgive and move on or you forgive and rebuild a better relationship (through counseling and strengthening communication) BUT what you cannot do is say you forgive, want to work things out, and then spend every day of the rest of your lives punishing your spouse! 🙌🏽 Read that line over again! If you lie to yourself and your spouse by pretending you have let go of their infidelity, you are now the person messing up! And worst of all, the person you are enslaving is YOURSELF! 🙌🏽 Yea…take that in! You are enslaving yourself! The sole reason, I believe, that I have not been able to successfully let go of the Ex Factor is because I never truly forgave him for hurting me back in December 2012! 😳 Negative feelings can bind you to a person just as much (if not more) as positive feelings! So while I thought it was love that tied me to him, it was really my need to torture his ass for breaking my heart! Sick….I know but knowledge is power and I’m now writing this from the start of a healing place. The thing about affairs is it makes the person cheated on feel less than. Even when we know our worth, the mind is a crazy place. It makes us doubt what the heart tells us….that our spouse is human and made a huge mistake. If your spouse has never cheated again and fully recommitted to the relationship then you need to too! That is unless any cheating is a deal breaker for you. In that case, you may want to forgive and move on. Though if you are married, I strongly believe marriages are not to be entered into nor existed lightly! So you better make sure you’ve done all you can do before you walk away with regrets! Ironically, Crazy slept with half of Penn State’s female population while we were dating and I never held anything against him when we stayed friends for years. I mean I was pissed at the time but because I never truly loved him so my heart and mind did not hold on to his sins! Not to mention, I paid his ass back nicely when I met and chose Jason! 🙌🏽 Never cheat in revenge! I don’t recommend it but when I was young…I accidentally did and when I saw the hurt on Crazy’s face (though we were broken up so it wasn’t cheating in this instance) as he was fucking up my apartment once he saw the huge hicky Jason left on my neck…I couldn’t help but think we were finally fucking even! 🙌🏽 But yea…don’t be young Kingston! Lol. Now let me get back on track. Our UNFORGIVENESS is more about us than the person that hurt us. We have to do the work on ourselves (whether or not our spouse recommits to us). Free yourself from the hurt. You were treated less than but you are more than…shown through your love and forgiveness to a partner that is willing to do the work and not betray us again. You are worthy my dear. To my reader I say, God is love and if God can forgive us, who are we not to forgive others? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. Strange topic for today but since I’ve been working on myself and the status of my heart…there is no time like the present to discuss something heavy on my heart. I really hope today’s blog helps many. Editor’s tip: when I’m remembering hurts from the Ex Factor, I make a mental note of all the crap he has forgiven me for….because neither of us are perfect! One love💜
Yesterday, I took my family to the movies to see “Girls Trip” and they loved it. It was my second time seeing it! 🙌🏽 The first time I saw it, I was emotionally messed up so a memory escaped me. But yesterday, more relaxed and with my family…I remembered. 😭 Our first date was lunch and the movies. The Ex Factor LOVES the movies. During the height of our situationship, I saw so many movies. The movies was never my thing but it was his and when he opened up the door into his world…I gladly walked in. What I found out was I love going to the movies. It’s been like 2.5 years (February 2015) since he’s taken me to the movies. Why do I mention this? Because it’s symbolic. It was the beginning of him closing himself off. I had closed myself off in December 2012. Interesting. Don’t think it occurred to me then that we were on a road where no doors would open for either of us (with each other) anymore. Yesterday, I sat in the movie theater and I remembered…a time when we really enjoyed each other’s company. Now I look at us and I don’t recognize us. I know some of you are saying….well it wasn’t a marriage so things would be different had it been a serious relationship. 🙄 Even though I have never been married nor super serious with anyone, I have enough married friends to know this is not true. Long term relationships of any kind can lose its intimacy. Because that’s what the movies was…a form of intimacy. A world we were sharing together. Folks stop opening doors (literally and figuratively) and soon they stop listening to each other followed by the lack of touch. This is why I want a break from the physical. With all the other areas so disconnected, his touch is not yearned for. Two hours more of sleep would do me one better. We no longer speak the same language and our times going to the movies are long over. This was the start of how we got here. I always hesitate to give advice in people’s personal lives but experience is the best teacher. Sharing that experience just may change someone’s world for the better. So here we go…the what not to do! Lol. Each couple needs something the other does not but some form of intimacy (however defined by each couple) transcends amongst us all. If you feel your partner slipping away or you are pulling away…don’t spend years ignoring it…hoping shit gets better because it won’t! Nothing gets better without work! If the Ex Factor had addressed the fact that I vacation around 7 times a year without him, I would have said to him that I tried to share that world with him but he shut me down so after a while…I closed that door. If I had addressed the fact that we haven’t been to the movies since “50 Shades Of Grey” came out…maybe we would be in a better place. Traveling is to me as the movies is to him. I remember times when I would get on the plane already missing him. Now I get on the plane and I’m off the grid to the world…and him. I shut down to regroup and prepare for the new level of uncomfortableness headed our way. Don’t let your situation (dating, situationship, engaged, or married) get that messed up. Sometimes people get so far gone until they are on their own island by the time their partner notices that there is no way of reaching them. No way of saying…come back to me whole and lovingly. No way of saying forgive me. No way of saying I forgive you. No way of uttering I want you…I need you…in your entirety. No way of relieving a moment that is already lost in the wind. Yesterday, I remembered what it was like to be in his world. So many yesterday’s have passed since we disconnected. Too many to count. As a result, his touch is foreign and I am saddened. What is lost in the wind rarely makes its way back. ~KJM on Charm School Monday.
I told him…I felt like I was floating away from him but he thought he knew better. A man only knows a man. Man has no clue what dwells in the heart and soul of a woman. But he still thought he knew better. We began spending less and less time together. Things actually got worse once I got my own apartment. You see before…we use to have a get away spot where we would laugh, talk, cuddle, and make love. In some rare but very much needed moments….we would stay locked up together for two days and it was great! I could hang on through the bad as long as the good out weighed it. But in the last year, he had no time for me. Days of love making was reduced to a few minutes a month. It felt strange laying in his arms and most of the time, I was relieved when he left. No longer wanting him to stay with me. I felt myself floating away but he still thought he knew best. Something was pulling him away from me and after a while…I no longer cared where he went. I just wanted my inner peace. For most men, touch is so important but for many of us women, touch without true intimacy (from a man we care for) is a betrayal of our bodies. 🙌🏽 So while my mind and heart battled out whether to stick things through…my body was going through a war. His touch was foreign and unwanted but me still trying to please him….allowed him to touch me. Most of the time he selfishly ignored the fact that I was not even moist in my sensational temple. I was DRY and had been that way for two years! But he thought he knew better. He says he’s been keeping his dick to himself and I believe him. But what his dick does was the least of my concern. The condition of his heart was the deepest way he could betray me. I feel numbness. Emptiness…when I lay next to him. Yet I am full of life, when he leaves. While I have no desire for another man, I also have no desire for the man that lays next to me. I’m just waiting for this stranger to get up and leave. We aren’t married and aren’t even seriously dating (after 7 years) that’s why I’m being so open with you all. I have no foundation to protect. The effects of lack of true intimacy while sexual intercourse occurs only leads to a woman desiring something else. Maybe someone else. For man’s touch alone without love, trust, security, and quality time cannot sustain the heart of a woman. She is but an empty vessel…awaiting something deeper, lasting, mind blowing, and earth shattering. And I finally accepted the fact that there is nothing the flesh can do to save us. For he is just a man and man by creation…is limited. Thus my serenity is found in accepting that I’m in waiting. My body triumphed my mind and my heart. It could no longer continue to be betrayed for it was created to nourish and to build….not to be an empty vessel. ~KJM on Serenity Saturday.
I have been doing my best to distance myself from the Ex Factor while working on who I am as a person. One of the realest conversations (and most difficult) I have had to have with myself was about the truth of why I am so resentful and angry with the Ex Factor. I have made so many mistakes along the way…like not having a clear cut relationship contract from the jump, stupidly thinking my love alone could carry us, foolishly thinking he was supportive of my drive (didn’t realize he had a need to be the provider), beating myself up about leaving him at times he definitely deserved to be left, letting him dwell in my heart for 7 years, allowing him to treat me like I’m nothing, and taking him back time after time. Man that list is long! 😳🙄 What I can no longer do is carry baggage that is not mine. From the moment I told most women (not my friends that have dated and married younger guys) the Ex Factor’s age…they declared us doomed. I was constantly asked when would I get married and have children? Many of these women have known me for a decade and change and know first hand that if I wanted these things, I would have had them! Many times over! Yes the last 7 years seem like a huge waste but not because they were my birthing years! I have no biological desire to have children! As a matter of fact, children only come up when the guy I’m dating brings them up! For the Ex Factor, no children is a deal breaker. He made that clear long ago and I made it clear (as I do with all my men who bring children up) that I am OPEN to being a mother but I take having children very seriously…more seriously than I do marriage! While no one can be 100% certain they have chosen the right person to have children with, I want to be at least 99% sure! And I’m so fucking serious about this that even in my almost 4 years of celibacy throughout my sexual history, I still popped my fucking pill! 🙌🏽 You know I believe that dick falls out the sky and I’m not trying to get got! If the women in my family (most of them) had been this selective and brutally honest with their lack of a desire to just be a mom for being a mom’s sake….some of us children wouldn’t be here and thus, would not have such a huge disconnect with our mothers! 🙌🏽 So no I cannot be angry that the Ex Factor wasted my most fertile years because I did not want a baby in the last 7 years! Truth be told, I would have been fucking pissed if we had gotten pregnant and even if I was pregnant now, I would be livid!!!! I use to think I was protecting the Ex Factor’s youth by making sure we never got pregnant but I was really protecting my damn self! Too many folks having kids and thinking about what to do with them AFTER! 🙌🏽 That is not the life I envisioned for myself! I can do better and even if I fail…at least I fucking tried! Same sentiments with marriage! If the Ex Factor and I had turned serious in this last year, it would be at least another 5 years before I would want to be married and even think about children! He would need to learn how to live on his own and pay bills before I would even entertain us putting our finances and our lives together. Plus…I AM NOT READY! I am not even fucking ready to live with a man! Out of all the guys I’ve dated, I could stomach Jason (college sweetheart) and the Ex Factor the longest but never did I want to live with either! I LOVE WAKING UP IN MY QUEEN SIZE BED ALONE! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Most women don’t get that but it’s true! I am just not ready. I think that’s why my heart chose the Ex Factor 7 years ago…because I was in no hurry and I knew I could grow slowly with him (at a snail’s pace). 🙄 So no, I have no right to be resentful about shit most women are on a timeline for and I am not! 🙌🏽 But I have every right to feel cheated from thinking I was slowly building with someone who loved me and wanted to build with me! Even that though…I will have to let go of soon. I’m working on it. ~KJM has officially been warned on Flashback Friday. Any more time wasted…is on ME!
This week I am in full throwback mode! From gushing at pictures of Jason and I to shredding old love letters written by Julio…20 years ago! As my nostalgia gets the best of me, I cannot help but wonder…what happened to Old Kingston?! She was filled with so much happiness. Plus she was bold as hell! Now I’m sad a lot and feel less adventurous. 😭 It’s one thing if I had a husband and children and lost my way….that’s a common thing. But it’s just me. It’s always been just ME…so how could I lose some of the best parts of me?! Going to graduate school in NC is where I think an insecure Kingston was born. It was a tough and rigorous program where we were all bright. The sadness of feeling like I always had to try harder than others coupled with the fact that nothing ever comes easily to me…never left me. Plus Julio broke up with me while I was waiting for my grades at the end of the first year of my program. Ten years off and on…down the damn drain. He left me when I needed him the most but it turns out…he did me a huge favor. Yea I’ve been through hell and back with the Ex Factor but I’ve always been my own person (while fucking up my life) instead of being forced into a life of marriage with children with a man I know I would have regretted marrying. So Julio saved me a divorce and a life with children that I never really wanted. 🙌🏽 At the time of our final split, my heart was broken into about a billion pieces. It was the hardest I had ever taken a break up. For 3 months, all I ate were those GIANT HERSHEY BARS and cried everywhere I went. My family was so worried about me but at least I was eating something! Thank goodness I was so tiny then that a diet of only chocolate didn’t kill my body! Can’t do that shit now! I would be a million pounds! 😳😩🤣 With my tiny waist in tow, I went back to graduate school and finished my program! 🙌🏽 My next self esteem hit came when I graduated at the height of the recession and there were no jobs! Julio was back in my life (as just a friend I occasionally slept with until I realized I was no longer attracted to him and had to stop), Phoenix reemerged (also as just a friend), and then I met and fell for the Ex Factor. Once again, I was struggling and Julio was not there for me. It left me vulnerable to the one person who had the time and energy to be there for me. This one simple act of kindness, in Summer 2010, is why I have put up with the Ex Factor for so long. When I was down and out…he was there. Knowing what I know now…and looking back…the Ex Factor was caring and affectionate because he was trying to prove to his friends that he wasn’t heartbroken over finding out his first love had repeatedly fucked one of his best friends. 😳 I was just a beautiful rebound to him and he was the person that met and held me at my rock bottom so maybe we both hung on for all the wrong reasons. I will say this though…my love was real. That is not something I could fake for 7 years! And I haven’t been at my rock bottom since 2013…so I loved even when my initial reasons may not have been great. For whatever the reasons, he held me down at my worst. And now I feel like I’ve more than paid him back by sticking through all the unkind words and treatment. So that’s where Old Kingston went. The minute she lost her ability to financially take care of herself…her self esteem took a hit with every check she couldn’t write! 😩 Now we all have moments like these in life. Doesn’t mean overall we have low self esteem…it just means that the world whooped our asses and as we were fighting to get up…we forgot to pick up all the pieces. I financially got right but forgot my value and worth as a black woman. Have no fear though because Old Kingston is still the foundation of who I am. She’s there…I just have to be brave enough to tap into her… ~KJM on Throwback Thursday! 😘 FYI click into this blog to see a picture of “Old Kingston” and head over to my Instagram account to see a very intimate photograph of Jason and I. 😍
Love escape me. Please don’t ever visit. That use to be my prayer. Let me just travel and enjoy life so love please be kind and just escape me. This was me my entire dating life until two years ago. Something happened (unbeknownst to me) and just like that…playing games and hiding feelings no longer appealed to me. I didn’t need to be married right away (still feel that way) but I got sick of the unknown. And with this change came a feeling of bitterness as I saw the Ex Factor how he sees himself…AS LIMITED and I was settling…lowering my standards because I loved him deeply. To show you how unusual that is for me, the other day I was talking to Papa Michaels (my Daddy) and I mentioned my feelings for the Ex Factor. My dad quietly said he had never heard me say I cared about any guy much less love a guy. Deep! And it’s true. So many times I thought I could care but true bad girls can only care for a short moment until they run up on their exception. 🙌🏽 My exception did not deserve to be my exception but I digress. Yesterday, it felt so good to write about a positive dating situation. Hope you caught up on Monday’s blog called “The Good Guy (How Youth Teaches Us To Be Stupid Edition).” I got so much positive feedback from strangers and people who knew Jason and I in college. It was so freeing to be a happy ex with someone that I have no ill will towards. We split because we weren’t in love…just in deep like. Plus he’s a West Coast guy and I’m a East Coast girl for life! 🙌🏽 I wanted to publicly share a picture of Jason and I at the height of our happiness but I’m still debating. We’ve both moved on and I would never want to do anything to make him and his girl uncomfortable….though in the position we are in…you can’t really see our faces! 😍 If I do decide to share…it will be on throwback Thursday. And before anyone even goes there…holding onto the memory is not holding onto the man. He represents a great (not perfect) dating experience and I’m just so grateful to have had that. The Jason memory reminded that I do have the ability to accidentally pick some great guys. May have lost my compass these last 7 years but I’m getting back to the Kingston I was with Jason. Sexy and free. Uninhibited and relaxed. Til then this reformed bad girl is going to try to steer clear of bad boys while falling in love with some of my bad girl ways again. I am changed from all I have been through but I’m trying to make it a positive change. I’m looking to meet a secure, commitment ready, selfless, funny, and caring guy that’s all about me and only me. But I’m in no rush. Old Kingston would have just wanted to have fun…like I did with Jason. No love feelings just trust and security until I bump into my forever guy….whether he be a Boaz, Abraham, Elijah (the biblical one), Jonah, Moses, or David. I’m definitely off sex for a while. Between the Ex Factor and the non biblical Elijah, I am so turned off by sex. It just seems pointless and like wasted time. I just want a straight guy to hold my hands for at least 6 months while making me laugh. I think that’s the only way I can rebuild trust again with men. I am 36 and unmarried with no kids and I really have no regrets about that. I don’t want to be stuck with someone I settled for. Would rather soar alone on this earth…free from standing in time with someone who never deserved to know me in the first place.🙌🏽 So how does a bad girl develop a fetish for bad boys? By wanting the same nothingless situations…until she has a desire to be a good woman. As always, I am a work in progress! 😘 ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. Steer clear of the bad boys and gravitate to a man who has been praying to God for you! 🙌🏽
So I’m still in the process of unpacking my life…figuratively and literally. Yesterday, I found an old photo album filled with pictures from my last year in college! 😍 I could not stop laughing and smiling. Those memories brought me so much joy…so much so that I uploaded some of them to my private Facebook (after using my iPhone to take a photo of a photo…God bless Kodak cameras from back in the day!). My friends and I all laughed at how happy and silly we were. One photograph in particular struck my heart with joy..it was of me and my college sweetheart, Jason, kissing at the exact minute it turned the New Year into 2003! 😍 One of my homegirls had snuck in with me into the hotel where he and his entire football team were staying the night before Penn State’s bowl game! We ended up spending the night…5 of us in a room. The women (my boo’s roomie had his girl with him too so it was 3 of us women) hiding when the coaches came to do a room check! 😍🙌🏽 It was simply the best time I’ve ever had in Orlando, Florida! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 While Jason and I were never in love…what we had from 2002-early 2005 was magical. He’s truly the only good guy I’ve ever dated. Jason believed in romance and he showed it. He was the first guy to make me LOVE cuddling and really the only guy that it felt natural laying in his arms. 😘 His word was always his bond and he believed in coming for me…no matter what state I was in. He’s the only guy to make such huge gestures! I mean he wasn’t perfect…no one is but when he did things…he did it big. For example, when we were dating everyone knew it including the entire Penn State Football team. If someone saw me out without him and I was drinking…one of his teammates (especially his roomie) would make sure I got home safely. Jason always held my hands, he waited patiently for months for me to be ready to have sex…while holding me every night…all through the night…and when we finally did it…I named him my most passionate lover. The way he kissed me…held me…I’ve never experienced that since. I know what you are wondering…if he was so great what went wrong?! Jason and I met in Spanish 3 Class in Fall of 2001. I had already been sleeping with Crazy at the time. At first sight, Jason looked like he ran track but I later found out that he was a wide receiver for Penn State’s Football Team. He was a year younger than me and a damn Sagittarius (like all my other long term men). Jason was humble and cool for someone who was part of a team that were treated like gods. Football and school were his life. Jason wasn’t a party dude and he is actually the person that got me to love the Hallmark Channel. His tenderness mixed with his strength was fucking impressive. Then there’s me…bad girl for life! 🙌🏽 Jason was a quiet homebody and I was wild and loud! No one understood what we saw in each other. But when we were alone, Jason talked a lot. And when things were good with him (which was most of our dating life except two brief times) I felt so secure and loved even though we weren’t in love. Fall 2001, Jason and I became Spanish 3 oral partners. It sounds nasty but it was for school except when I accidentally told him I wanted to fuck in his bed (in Spanish). 🙄😳🤣 Even then we never dated because I was still kicking it with Crazy. Spring 2002, Crazy started running the streets and sleeping with every bitch he saw. As I pressured him to be more serious (can’t turn a hoe into a househusband), it was obvious Crazy and I were going to have to go our separate ways. That day came and it just so happens that I was in the HUB (Penn Staters get what this is) with one of my homeboys and Jason was passing by. I told him to CALL me on a personal tip because I was looking for a new man! And so he did! My homeboy was dying with laughter at my boldness! 🙌🏽 I miss that brave and sexy Kingston! 😩 Crazy broke up with me at 3:30pm that same afternoon and Jason was over my place by 6:30pm! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 That’s what you call PIMPING! 🙌🏽 Crazy called later that night wanting to stop by to talk when he saw my homegirls at the club and I wasn’t with them. That bitch thought I was home crying! NOPE! I let Crazy know that my new man was over and we both would not appreciate his visit! ✌🏾Lmfao. Jason held me for months! We just cuddled and kissed and held hands. He had also just gotten out of a bad relationship shortly before dating me so I think we both needed to take it slow. And so he continued to HOLD ME as Crazy tried to fight his way back into my life. I think this is why neither Jason nor I could fall in love with each other. Too much baggage and pain from our exes. But we enjoyed each other sexually and outside the bedroom. I laughed the most with him. Jason was from the West Coast so he had a type of flava I had never seen in a guy before. He made those Hawaiian shirts look good. And through sex I fattened his ass…through climax after climax…where that skinny guy I met the year before was now built like a Black Greek god (he was half African, half European). Sexy as shit. All the women after me…should be thanking my ass! I left him in damn good condition! 🙌🏽 While Jason was so good to me…I wasn’t always so good to him (unbeknownst to him). I had slip up after slip up with Crazy. For a second, I thought I was in love with two guys. Truth was…I was in LUST with both. When the shit hit the fan though…I surprisingly chose Jason. And it was an easy choice at that…because he was loyal and kind. He deserved the same from me. So I tried. But when you had never been treated well by a guy it’s hard to meet a good guy. They don’t seem real but good guys are out there! That’s what Jason represents…HOPE TO MEET ANOTHER GREAT GUY! 🙌🏽 So I’m keeping hope alive with this great memory in my heart. I was respected by the guy I dated and cared for privately and publicly! My standards were high once! Don’t know how they had drop so low since! 😩 Sometimes I feel like the Ex Factor is my KARMA for all the wrong I did in my Jason relationship. Well I have paid my fucking dues!!!! Time for someone better! Last I heard of Jason (I stayed friends with him until 2012), he had met the love of his life (on the West Coast) and they bought a house together. I pray they are both treating each other well and living in love to the fullest. The Jason I knew deserves nothing less. I wish them nothing but the best! As for me, I am so grateful for the memories of Jason…picking me up when I fell asleep in odd places and placing me in the bed with no expectations of sex…opening all doors (including car doors) for me even when no one was around for all the years we dated! 🙌🏽 Clearly a real man raised him! And I thank him for being the only man to travel for me…from PA to meet me and my family in NJ to MD (where I was living after college), then to head back to PA again…all in a 3 day span! We weren’t in love but I felt more loved than I ever did with any other guy that claimed to love me. I thank you for my happy times Jason and for all the years of friendship! I let go of our friendship so you could be truly happy and I sure hope you are! ~KJM on Charm School Monday. Editor’s Note: Youth teaches us that time is on our side and that there are more great people to meet in life but silly rabbit…tricks are for kids. It’s been 16 years since I first met Jason and I’ve never met anyone even close to being as great as him…..
Here at Kingston Expressions, I have been taking life way too seriously. Between heartbreaks and lack of orgasms…I’m bringing my damn self down. Lol. Today I want to tap into my less serious but more ignorant side. 🤣 Shall we get into this count down? Here are the top 12 insane reasons that I would break up with a guy for. 12. EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE/ REFUSE TO COMMIT/SITUATIONSHIP KING! While we all have baggage, I don’t want no part of these fuckers!!! ✌🏾 Went through hell and back with the Ex Factor and don’t ever want to repeat this seven year mistake again! 🙌🏽🙄 The next time I run into a fuckboy, I’m running for the hills! Nobody has time to get their heartbroken and watch their life be wasted! The minute I meet a new guy that seems shady…I will sniff his noncommittal ways out of him….I’m out….whether I love him or not. Staying with the Ex Factor has been my biggest life regret. Truly wish I never met him! ✌🏾11. HE DOES NOT TRAVEL/NO PASSPORT! Traveling is my heart and soul! For some reason, I always date guys that don’t even want to or cannot afford to leave the city!!!! 😳 Traveling goes to the essence of who I am. Thus, if a guy does not travel…I have to let him go…or I will always be leaving him for my next vacation like I always did with Julio and the Ex Factor! ✌🏾10. HE CHEWS WAY TOO FUCKING LOUD! Y’all remember the dude I use to date that sounded like the Pillsbury Doughboy every time he ate ANY meal?! 😳🙄😩 He’s the one from the “Fortune Teller Told Me He Cheated” blog. 🙄 Dude paid for great dates and to this day is the only guy that’s celebrated my birthday (my 19th) in a big way! 🙌🏽 But come on…who the fuck can concentrate when it sounds like the person across from them is having an orgasm with every bite of food they take?!! 😩 Then when I couldn’t finish my food…he would reach over to my plate and make love to it! 🤣😂😳 There were times I just wanted to smack the hell out of him! I mean he wasn’t that passionate in the bedroom! Yes he ate the box well…but not with the passion and desire he had when he tasted a piece of steak! 😳😩 He ended up being a cheater so I am guessing chewing can tell you a lot about a guy! Lol. Never satisfied with all just moaning and laughing over a steak! 🙌🏽 9. HE IS A COKE DRIKER! Now hear me out! I am a die hard PEPSI drinker! That’s one of the main reasons why I went to Penn State for undergrad! 🙌🏽 WE ARE! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Rutgers had Coke and Penn State had Pepsi! It was the sign I was asking God for…lol…plus Penn State was my first choice for college. Pepsi sealed the deal that I was going there though! 😍If I had listen to this advice I would never have dated the Ex Factor! He loves Coke! ✌🏾 On our first couple of dates, the fool would forget I hate Coke and would order me one! He was trying to hurt me then and I totally missed the signs! I did let him know that if he didn’t want to get hurt…don’t bring me no damn Coke! I couldn’t even fake like I liked the shit! ✌🏾Oh before I forget, screw the folks that say Coke and Pepsi taste the same (Julio ✌🏾). Y’all can’t commit to shit…not even a soft drink! 🖕🏾 Not dating y’all either! 8. A TEXTER! My entire situationship with the Ex Factor is on text…the good days and the bad! I get that young folks love texting but us grown folks prefer phone calls (when we like someone). If all he ever does is text✌🏾then I can’t stay with him! Lesson learned! And for the fuckers who are anti text I’m not feeling y’all either! I typically work 70-90 hours a week so there is no way I can just be laid up on the phone with a dude. I got things to do! ✌🏾7. MISTER ONLY ABOUT THEIR BOYS! Most of my guys have been loners or their family was their only real friends. So dealing with the Ex Factor and his crew has been rough. I have lots of life long friends but they live all over the country and the world. Ain’t nobody got time to be right up under them. I swear it seems like if the Ex Factor’s friends fart…he’s right there to fan the fart. 🙄 I want a dude who is a leader and not a follower. A dude always in a huge pack of guys is rarely a leader. ✌🏾 6. HE PREFERS KFC OVER POPEYES! What the fuck? This dude is beyond insane. Popeyes is the reason why I’m not “skinny!” Like who the fuck can refuse Popeyes?! And while some of the other chicken places are okay….KFC is definitely gross! So if he’s on that nasty soggy chicken flow…I’ve got to let his ass go! ✌🏾We are just not compatible!!! 5. HE DOES NOT HAVE A SWEET TOOTH! The Ex Factor does not really like snacks or junk food. So he does not understand my obsession with CHOCOLATE! Dude…chocolate is soooo good…it’s been hitting my G spot every time he misses it! 🙌🏽 That’s the power of chocolate! Any man who does not get that should be broken up with…immediately! ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾4. A MAN THAT DOES NOT WORK OUT! Now I’m no fitness instructor nor am I obsessed with eating right and going to the gym. But in the last couple of months, I have made a conscious choice to do better and as a result, have lost weight! I still have a ways to go but I feel great in my skin and on my journey! While I’m not materialistic, I’m not a huge fan of big guys. I mean…baby I need you to be around for as long as you can be. Plus if he has an unhealthy lifestyle…it may encourage me to abandon my determination to get fit and lose weight. ✌🏾Chubs….we gonna have to break up! When I met you, you were fit but then you got happy and let yourself go!!! I’m not your wife so I don’t have to love every roll your belly butters! ✌🏾3. HE SNORES! Elijah was the only dude I’ve dated that snored. It was so bad I considered putting a bag over his head the two times I slept next to him! 😳 I am a light sleeper and cannot spend all night listening to the man that is bringing me pain and confusion…snore. Either go see a doctor or we are breaking up! ✌🏾I am a Gemini and we like for our thoughts to have thoughts! How the fuck can we achieve that with you snoring?! ✌🏾2. A GUY THAT WILL NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! I am a talkative person in public but in my personal life…I have a great appreciation for SILENCE! That’s how I stayed with the Ex Factor so long! He barely spoke over the last 7 years and the few times he actually had something to say…I wished he had just stayed fucking silent! 🙌🏽🤣 Just like men don’t like to be nagged…neither do some of us women! And for sure I cannot stand a man who is a gossip! Gossiping is such an unbecoming trait for anyone but especially a man! 😩 Stay in your lane, mind your damn business, and only speak when you got something to say that will positively affect my life and the world! ✌🏾 It’s worth repeating that I think only a nice mute man can win my heart forever! 🙌🏽🤣🤣 Yea that’s ignorant I know…but that’s me! 🤣 1. A MAN THAT DOES NOT EAT THE BOX! I have never been big on oral…giving nor receiving and if I had to choose I use to like giving more than receiving (though I’m terrible at it). 😳🙄😩 But after 7 years of putting up with the Ex Factor not eating the box (eating pussy)….I’ve decided that the next dude better love it! To me, not trying new things with your partner and exploring is a sign of a selfish and lazy lover. The Ex Factor never not once tried to give me an orgasm. 😳 It took me years to realize this because I loved him so much. Now I look back at all the signs I ignored and realize that these were all an indication that we would stay in an unhappy situationship! So if next guy don’t eat the box and isn’t willing to explore with me…we breaking up! Life is too short for broken hearts and bad sex! ✌🏾Editor’s note: Mister Toss Salad was the last guy to eat the box! 😍No way I was gonna let Elijah and his teeth next to me after that backdooring incident mixed with his “rabbit” trick! 😳 Also Crazy and Phoenix are the only guys to give me a vaginal orgasms. 😘😩🙌🏽 I was multi orgasmic with Crazy 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 and even though Phoenix only did it once (right before my 29th birthday and before I started dating the Ex Factor) it’s still so talked about and FELT that it is praise worthy! Yassss🙌🏽~KJM on Flashback Friday! 😘
Yesterday one of my homegirls and I were discussing some dude who would not commit to her. She told me that his Facebook page (which she had not been on in a long time) read like a Yahoo timeline! I, in turn, replied that that’s how sex with him would have probably been! Lol 🤣 She said she doubted it since his foreplay was poppin. I quickly had to remind her that so was Elijah’s…that is until we had the SEX! 😩 Y’all remember Elijah right?He’s from the “Unexpectedly Backdoored” blog and podcast! If you haven’t listened to that episode…please do! 🤣 Now that we all are caught up…back to the issue at hand. Before sleeping together, our date nights were explosive. Elijah would finger me…any time…any place while whispering nasty sweet nothings in my ear. And I was blown away! It had been years since a man touched me with a form of true intimacy and not just for his own pleasure that I would soon reciprocate. 😩 Conversation was decent though Elijah would often get too political. 🙄 And I was high at that fact that this man was open to commitment. The way he looked at me…I would blush. I was not in love nor lust but Elijah made it easy to forget the Ex Factor. I explained how I had been in love and severely neglected as Elijah indicated he was up for the challenge. He would hold my hands…even if it was hard to in huge crowds. I was not in love. I was not in lust but I was open. I thought his foreplay indicated what our sex life would be like but boy was I wrong. Great dick size but no fucking clue how to please a woman like me. Prior to me, Elijah said he had been fucking women in their 50s because they gave the best sex. I did not let that story intimidate me for I was more than happy to play the role of PYT (pretty young thang) for Elijah. For once…I was young. Not made to feel old and used up. But what took place the three times we slept together in our 7 months relationship…the foreplay did not indicate. The first and second times were okay. But that third time where he shoved the rabbit (a sex toy) in me and backdoored me roughly without asking my permission first…taught me that foreplay ain’t an indication of shit! In foreplay, Elijah was slow, patient, and in sexual teacher mode. In sex, Elijah was clueless on what to do with a PYT pussy. 🙄🤣😩 He was really a waste of a sex partner. No disrespect to him but we should have just left things at foreplay! Ugh! What’s up with all the bad sex I have been having for the last two years?! I remember a time when I use to brag about my sex life…now I shudder to share. One day I will have great sex again with a man who is patient, understanding, respectful, kind, and unselfish in and out of the bedroom. And I will be his in a way I have never been anyone else’s… Until then, remember that foreplay could be telling you a lot about a guy or it could be telling you shit. 🙄 It’s been my experience that when penis is involved…expect the unexpected….while the vagina over here always being cool, calm, collected, strategic, tight, and long lasting! Lol. Pussy Power! 🙌🏽 ~KJM on Hump Day! Happy humping! 😘