So it’s the day before Thanksgiving and I could blog about avoiding toxic family members or how not to be sad on holidays (if they are not your thing) but it’s still freakin HUMP DAY and I just have to honor that! Time to get sexually ignorant! 🤣 Like cockroaches that the exterminator missed…exes always seem to pop up during the holidays. 😩 It is one thing if it’s the ex you still love and want to work things out with but it’s a total other thing if they are exes who think you still want them because you are single. To them I say…no sir. Nobody wants you! Take that mess somewhere else! ✌🏾 Today’s blog is dedicated to those exes we want to get right…quick. I’m going to say some of the things many of you have wanted to say but hesitate for fear of it falling on deaf ears or from fear of looking like a psycho bitch. Of course, here at Kingston Expressions I am not afraid to go there! 🙌🏽 Here are the top 10 things my exes will not find in my vagina this holiday season: 10. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS MAMA IN MY VAGINA! For all the mamas’ boys out there….you will not find remnants of your mama in my vagina. That means that I don’t want to hear shit about how she cooks your meals, STILL cleans up after you, cuts your meat up for you, AND warms up the breast milk just right for you! Bro, you will find none of these things in my vagina! I’m not your mama and don’t want to be! Take your pacifier sucking self back to mama because ain’t shit for you here in my vagina!!! You don’t need a girl…you need a fucking nanny! ✌🏾 9. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS EX GIRL IN MY VAGINA! I’m really sorry she did a number on you but I just dug deep and looked between my clit and my asshole and guess what I did not find?! That bitch of an ex of yours! 😳 She was never in one flap of my luscious inner walls! I think you are lost and made a wrong turn because the foundation of my vagina is made up of passion, pleasure, loyalty, trust, and an eruption of ecstasy fit for a king. Only little boys are looking for their exes in other women! Take that mess and the hurt you brought with you somewhere else! ✌🏾 8. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS BALLS IN MY VAGINA! I am a strong black woman who is not without flaws. Love you hard I will. Support you I will. But I will be damned if I have to play hide and go seek with your balls in my own vagina! Yuck! So turned off right now! Be a man and have your word be your bond without me constantly having to remind you that you are not keeping your commitments! 🙌🏽 Mean what you say and let your actions support your words! Please do not blow smoke up my ass! My vagina will not tolerate such behavior! While the vagina is very flexible…it will not house your balls! ✌🏾 7. HE WILL NOT FIND FINANCIAL SECURITY IN MY VAGINA! With all this talk of gold diggers from men who “ain’t got a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of” but front like they do…I’m gonna need to remind y’all that in 2017 women are doing it for themselves! We would like a rock not a damn anchor! If my stock is going to go down rolling with you…just keep it fucking moving! Yes you mister 500 baby mamas! My coins are not for them nor you! If you are looking for a come up…get up and get a job! You want to be the king of a castle? Well then make a king’s wage and maintain that castle! ✌🏾And stop driving your girlfriend’s car! Scrub! ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾 6. HE WILL NOT FIND FREE PUSSY IN MY VAGINA! I’m tired of telling y’all men that pussy always costs! It may not be a monetary cost but there is a cost unless you are fucking a woman who does not know her worth or suffered from temporary insanity (I’ve been there)! 😳 If you can’t afford to take your lady on dates, then you can’t afford to fuck! 🙌🏽 It’s that fucking simple! “No romance without finance!” If you are a good man who use to do right but fell on hard times…a good woman will keep the pussy warm for you for a short and limited time while you get your shit together! 💜 A bad woman will dip out on you the day you cashed your last check! 😩✌🏾5. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS SELF ESTEEM IN MY VAGINA! A woman should encourage her man on his journey in life but it is not her job to constantly tell him how great he is!!! I dated a guy once that no matter how much I reassured him that he was a good person and great to me…his insecurities blocked us from progressing every step of the way! Women have to deal with so much that men don’t…that it becomes freaking exhausting to have to reassure ourselves and our men every day! We are raising children, excelling in our careers, and trying to keep positive self esteem as society tries to beat us down. It’s just too much to have to hold ourselves together and our men 24/7. Sometimes we need reassurance and support! Sometimes we need a break! Sometimes we need that kind word! A good woman will always support her man! Thus, he should be just as strong to support her on whatever she needs. If her man isn’t confident in himself….how can she trust in their future? ✌🏾 4. HE WILL NOT FIND A WEAK WOMAN IN MY VAGINA! If you want a woman that requires nothing of you…by all means please pass me and my vagina by! ✌🏾 I require a lot from my friends and family so why would I not require a lot from the man in my life?! And I never ask for things that I do not possess myself. If you want an equal strong enough to pick you up when you fall…I’m your woman. But if not…keep it moving because my vagina is anything but weak! 🙌🏽 3. HE WILL NOT FIND HE OWNS MY VAGINA! I don’t care if we are married or just dating…my vagina belongs solely to me! I may joke around and say she’s yours but let’s be real…my vagina goes where I go! She eats and sleeps when I do! My vagina keeps only my secrets and she is strong enough to shelter me from any storm! 🙌🏽 You could be husband number one or husband number nine (if I’m on my Elizabeth Taylor game)….my vagina still only belongs to me. Her loyalty and depth are only for me. You are just temporarily being housed there but there is no amount of mortgage in the world that you can pay that would make you her full owner! My vagina is PRICELESS! 🙌🏽 2. HE WILL NOT FIND AN ENDING IN MY VAGINA! My vagina is the giver of life. She has the power to birth even after years of being barren. In her lies the hopes and dreams of many nations. Only she can carry on generations. Even when she takes her last breath…her legacy lives on! 🙌🏽 You see there is no ending in my vagina. Only a beginning. Full of promise. Full of hope. That’s the stock my vagina is made of. She breathes life! 💜 1. HE WILL NOT FIND A TEMPORARY HOME IN MY VAGINA AS HE PREPARES HIMSELF FOR ANOTHER WOMAN! This shit really fucks me up! A good woman puts in the time and energy to upgrade a man only for him to leave her for some basic bitch that had better timing than her. 😩✌🏾🔪 You will not use my vagina as a temporary home where you learn how to love, trust, and be patient with someone else. For even if you settle with that basic bitch…you will realize that she never did the work yet reaped all the “benefits.” She won’t be built to weather you in any storm! Only I can do that because I truly loved you and stayed with you during difficult times. I stayed even when I had no good reason to stay. That’s how deep my love once ran for you. Always remember that vagina will haunt you for all the days of your life if you forsake me. To prevent this all from happening, I am shutting down any training camps. Find another temporary home and get at me when you are whole, confident, mature, and sure of what you want….for I am anything but basic! Never forget that my pussy is very calculated. You see if you don’t do right by me…my vagina will take all of her super human powers and move on to a man more deserving! ✌🏾 ~KJM saying “mi pum pum bring life” in my sister, Brenda’s voice on Hump Day! Lol.