Yesterday, I took my family to the movies to see “Girls Trip” and they loved it. It was my second time seeing it! 🙌🏽 The first time I saw it, I was emotionally messed up so a memory escaped me. But yesterday, more relaxed and with my family…I remembered. 😭 Our first date was lunch and the movies. The Ex Factor LOVES the movies. During the height of our situationship, I saw so many movies. The movies was never my thing but it was his and when he opened up the door into his world…I gladly walked in. What I found out was I love going to the movies. It’s been like 2.5 years (February 2015) since he’s taken me to the movies. Why do I mention this? Because it’s symbolic. It was the beginning of him closing himself off. I had closed myself off in December 2012. Interesting. Don’t think it occurred to me then that we were on a road where no doors would open for either of us (with each other) anymore. Yesterday, I sat in the movie theater and I remembered…a time when we really enjoyed each other’s company. Now I look at us and I don’t recognize us. I know some of you are saying….well it wasn’t a marriage so things would be different had it been a serious relationship. 🙄 Even though I have never been married nor super serious with anyone, I have enough married friends to know this is not true. Long term relationships of any kind can lose its intimacy. Because that’s what the movies was…a form of intimacy. A world we were sharing together. Folks stop opening doors (literally and figuratively) and soon they stop listening to each other followed by the lack of touch. This is why I want a break from the physical. With all the other areas so disconnected, his touch is not yearned for. Two hours more of sleep would do me one better. We no longer speak the same language and our times going to the movies are long over. This was the start of how we got here. I always hesitate to give advice in people’s personal lives but experience is the best teacher. Sharing that experience just may change someone’s world for the better. So here we go…the what not to do! Lol. Each couple needs something the other does not but some form of intimacy (however defined by each couple) transcends amongst us all. If you feel your partner slipping away or you are pulling away…don’t spend years ignoring it…hoping shit gets better because it won’t! Nothing gets better without work! If the Ex Factor had addressed the fact that I vacation around 7 times a year without him, I would have said to him that I tried to share that world with him but he shut me down so after a while…I closed that door. If I had addressed the fact that we haven’t been to the movies since “50 Shades Of Grey” came out…maybe we would be in a better place. Traveling is to me as the movies is to him. I remember times when I would get on the plane already missing him. Now I get on the plane and I’m off the grid to the world…and him. I shut down to regroup and prepare for the new level of uncomfortableness headed our way. Don’t let your situation (dating, situationship, engaged, or married) get that messed up. Sometimes people get so far gone until they are on their own island by the time their partner notices that there is no way of reaching them. No way of saying…come back to me whole and lovingly. No way of saying forgive me. No way of saying I forgive you. No way of uttering I want you…I need you…in your entirety. No way of relieving a moment that is already lost in the wind. Yesterday, I remembered what it was like to be in his world. So many yesterday’s have passed since we disconnected. Too many to count. As a result, his touch is foreign and I am saddened. What is lost in the wind rarely makes its way back. ~KJM on Charm School Monday.