I hope you guys enjoyed Christmas and Boxing Day! Both holidays were actually pretty great with my family…well most of the family. There’s always one! 🙄 Now as we approach the next holiday (New Years)…allow me to get IGNORANT! As the year is close to an end, I’ve made just one resolution! I AM ONLY DATING UGLY MEN WITH MONEY IN 2017! Before you side eye me…let me explain! With all the ups and downs I’ve had with the Ex Factor in the last 6.5 years…I finally figured out why our shit don’t work! Besides him not being ready for a serious commitment and possibly not truly loving me…he’s just TOO FUCKING PRETTY and pretty dudes take real motherfucking work! So off to the ugly men with money (because who the hell fucks with an ugly man for fun?) I go! Least I can do is get my student loans paid off! Lol. Now when I say “ugly” I mean not so attractive on the outside but a big heart on the inside. We’ve all dated beautiful ugly people (gorgeous on the outside and super ugly on the inside)…no…those are not the type of men I’m referring to! Here are the top 10 reasons why I’m leaving pretty men alone (or going to attempt to) in 2017:
10. AN UGLY MAN GENERALLY WON’T NEED TO BE REASSURED HE’S PRETTY EVERYDAY! If you have ever dated a pretty guy….you will know that his ego and pride are HUGE! Dude wakes up looking pretty and figure he don’t got to work for shit…not even pussy! 🙄 “Pretty Ricky what they call him!” And his every move says he’s just too fucking pretty to cater to any woman! ✌🏾 An ugly man, on the other hand, if he’s truly honest with himself…knows he’s ugly! He’s lucky to get ANY play. And truthfully that’s where his heart and his money come in! An ugly man is generally a humble man!
9. UGLY MEN PAY FOR BETTER DATES! No fucking argument about the 2 for 20 at Applebee’s here! An ugly man knows he’s missing looks so his dating game gots to be legit! Now there’s no science to this but in my experience ugly men plan the best dates! I’ve dated TWO UGLY GUYS…when I was on the rebound. They planned 5 course dinners, took me to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company, gave me flowers, bought me things…and I even got a gold ring with diamonds from one of them…I mean the gifts didn’t stop! I’m no gold digger and make good money. Even though I can do for myself..I sure did love being pampered! No fucking “Netflix and Chill” arguments here! An ugly dude with money knows he got to put out…financially!
8. AN UGLY DUDE EATS GOOD PUSSY AND/OR TOSSES A GOOD SALAD! Once again there’s no science to this but I would bet money on it every time. Both my ugly rebound men were good pussy eaters and that ain’t even my thang! 😍 While Pretty Ricky hesitating to go down on you…an ugly dude will full service his chick (as long as she smell right and is pretty) from clit to asshole! Now y’all know I would never order a tossed salad but OH MY when it’s done right…a woman can feel like she bout to fall in love…even if it’s with Shabba’s cousin! ✌🏾
7. PRETTY DUDES ALMOST ALWAYS CHEAT! Yea I know that’s a big generalization but in my experience it’s true! Now we got ugly men with money in my family who cheat just as much but it’s their money that gave them access to pussy! When your man is pretty…bitches will fuck him broke, rich, or even while he is living off of another bitch! Lawd a mercy! Pretty is just too much trouble! ✌🏾
6. PRETTY DUDES ARE SLOW TO COMMIT! Well as my hair and eggs are slowly turning gray…still no real commitment from the Ex Factor!😩 Pretty dudes…especially the educated ones…hold out longer to commit. Yea yea yea I know I’m talking out my ass here but go with it! It’s the last Temptation Tuesday of the year! Let’s be IG-NANT!
5. UGLY DUDES DO MOST OF THE WORK IN BED! I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted from fucking a pretty guy (the Ex Factor) all year. It’s so much work! 🙄 Ride him, talk nasty to him, and try new tricks because Pretty Dudes are always into more adventure! I can just fart in my ugly men’s faces and they climax (though I only slept with one ugly guy). Sometimes I just want to silently get my salad tossed! But noooo…pretty dudes have to be fully engaged in bed! You practically have to tell their dicks a bed time story just to get any sleep! Pretty dudes always poking! It’s my experience that an ugly guy will allow the relationship to develop at your pace because he knows he’s lucky to have you! He’s hoping you will fall in love with his ugly ass! But a pretty guy…forget it! He always has options!✌🏾
4. UGLY GUYS TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU FASTER! It took the Ex Factor almost SIX years to use some form of the “L” word! Now I don’t remember it taking that long with any of my other men…but especially not one of my ugly dudes! Love is always on their mind…even if it’s a con because they know you are out of their league! Ugly fight to keep ya from any angle!
3. UGLY MEN COMMUNICATE BETTER! Once again…I don’t have it down to a science but my ugly men communicated way better than my pretty ones! An ugly dude always gone ask you what you thinking…what you feeling because he wants you to like him!!! Pretty Ricky don’t give a damn about your feelings! He’s loved by many women! And they cater to him so he don’t ever have to cater to them! “Pretty Ricky what they call him!” And he don’t even have to answer! All he got to do is smile and panties cum off!
2. UGLY MEN TEND TO HAVE TINY PENISES AND A LOW SEX DRIVE! Hence all the eating and tossing they do! Lol. Now I know there’s some big dick ugly men out there but I haven’t run into them! Matter of fact I’ve never even SEEN any of my ugly dudes’ dicks! Yea I slept with one but I never looked his penis in the face! I mean if his face is hit…why the fuck would I want to see any other part of him?! Every time I felt their penises…it was TINY and weird feeling. Like half circumcised and half not!🙄 Like what the fuck is that about! Just eat me out and then toss my salad and then leave me the fuck alone! No way I’m staring an ugly guy’s dick in its face! The times I’ve gone this route (slept with an ugly guy…yuck) I was already selling my soul to the devil! No need to make it worse by taking a good scary look at his sad looking dick! ✌🏾 My Pretty Rickys, on the other hand, are usually skinny, tall, with gigantic penises! Hence all the work I got to do in the bedroom! My vagina retirement plan is definitely with some small dick ugly guy! Too exhausted from Pretty Ricky!✌🏾
1. IT IS REALLY HARD TO LEAVE A PRETTY DUDE FOREVER! Yo I’m 6.5 years in with the Ex Factor! That should tell your ass something! I love him, he’s pretty, he’s educated, and he’s talented with no children! Those traits are hard to find! But if you add slow to commit and always keeping his options open…I’m now getting in my car and headed to ugly guy lane to find a suitable mate! 🙄😳😩Pretty Ricky know he’s pretty and that’s the whole fucking problem! I’m a BOSS CHICK but there will always be somebody younger, prettier, and smaller than me. As far a hard working woman with a big heart and the type of woman who can help a man build an empire…the Ex Factor will have a hard time replacing me in those ways. I don’t think there’s another woman who could love him more! But Pretty Ricky will always be slow to realize that! Now before I go I did want to make THREE UGLY MEN WITH MONEY DATING CAVEATS:
3. The two ugly guys I dated when I was on the rebound from Julio and the Ex Factor…seemed like they were beautiful on the inside but turned out to be ugly inside and out! I’m lucky to have escaped with my life from both men! 🙏🏽 And I’m definitely not trying to be dramatic here! I went through some shit with them. People can pretend to be things they aren’t! Ugly, pretty, or in between…a mate’s heart, their intentions for you, and how they treat you publicly and privately are what matters most! All jokes aside…I don’t want to be with any man that isn’t caring nor considerate!
2. There are a HUGE range of men in between ugly and pretty! Great men are exist in the middle and your future children’s genetics won’t be damned to all hell if you stay in this range! 😂This blog focuses on the two extremes for effect! There are lots of cute sweet guys that aren’t considered ugly nor pretty! That might be a good category for many of us.
1. Despite my ignorance, please do not focus too much on looks nor money! I am just at a frustrating part of my life when I want to be done with games with the man I love and it don’t look like that’s happening any time soon. So off to ugly men lane I head…with my sense of humor and probably half my sanity! 🙄 ~KJM counting down to 2017 on Temptation Tuesday! I hope 2017 is filled with love and prosperity for all of us!😘