I do not know how to flirt…thus I just don’t do it. The issue with this is I cannot always recognize when someone is flirting with me. 🤦🏽♀️ Not flirting nor having the ability to recognize flirting has worked for me in my dating life but I would not recommend that for my singles’ readers. Flirting is an art…granted an art I have done without but I’m in a league of my own. What league is that? A small league of direct women that shoot their shot and almost never miss. Meaning I can just say I want a man or just walk up to him and say I want to date him and he will either say yes or no. Many women think this will make them look thirsty but in my experience, if done right and seriously, it’s lead to a lot of long term dating relationships where I remained true friends with my past dudes long after we stopped dating. 🤷🏽♀️ Like I said…this works for ME…I definitely would not recommend it to anyone else. Now let’s get into some of the real and crazy reasons why some of us miss flirting signs. 5. HIS PENDING PRISON SENTENCE/SHE IS 9 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER DUDE’S BABY (Subconscious Deal Breakers): I once met a guy that was in a lot of legal trouble. Immediately and without knowing it, I friend zoned him. Months later…when he beat the charges….my roommate pointed out that my friend was fine and had been flirting with me from day one. 😳 With no prison sentence looming, I took a double take of him and realized he was fine as hell! Coincidentally, he is still in my top 3 of best sex I have ever had. 🙌🏽 If that man couldn’t do anything else…he could lay the pipe! 😍 Of course, he laid his pipe for half of the female population at my very large university! 🤦🏽♀️ But I digress. Sometimes we subconsciously count someone out because they are presently unavailable. It does not matter how much they flirt if our subconscious says….dude…her water is about to break! Sis better try back once the baby is a year old and her womb is unoccupied! 🤦🏽♀️🙄👀 4. LOW SELF ESTEEM! If we do not feel great about ourselves…it will be hard for us to believe that someone else out there wants us. This is why I highly recommend that my readers exercise. I am no Beyoncé but by the time I am finished with a work out…I at least feel like I’m one of her cousins. 🙌🏽🤦🏽♀️ LoL. Or at least one of her back up dancers! 😂 3. WE ARE TOO FOCUSED ON OURSELVES! Sometimes the world is kicking our butts and we just have no time to deal with anything else but the issues we are facing. For example, someone who just experienced a death in their family or just got divorced. Our mind frame may not be in a place to be fully present when someone takes interest in us. Thus, we just aren’t paying attention. 2. THEY’RE UGLY! Ugh! U.G.L.Y. They ain’t got no alibi…they ugly! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ It has happened to us all. Someone we find highly repulsive is trying their hardest to get our attention while we are trying hard to ignore them. Attraction is important! It’s one thing to be on the fence about if you are attracted to someone and quite another to be getting physically ill just at the sight of them. So we ignore their flirting cues because we are simply not interested! 1. IN A DIFFERENT SOCIAL CIRCLE WHERE FLIRTING CUES ARE NOT WHAT WE ARE USE TO! A straight friend of mine went to a gay bar with one of her gay friends. Her male gay friend kept pointing out to her that so many lesbians were hitting on her. My friend was thoroughly confused and not just because she was not interested but more so because she just had not noticed. She just thought everyone was really nice at this particular bar! 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ Thus, different cultures, genders, and sexual orientations may flirt in ways we are not use to. Sis, she asked to borrow a chair near you after she passed 5 other chairs that were closer to her! 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ I don’t know…I probably would have miss this cue too! Lol. ~KJM on Hump Day! Flirting is an art. If you are good at it….flirt on playa! But if you are like me and it’s just not your thing…just directly ask the person if they are interested. Worst case scenario…they say no and you move on. Best case scenario….you have a hot date for Friday night! 🙌🏽 Good luck out there! 💜
Happy Hump Day! I know it’s been a while. 2018 is still kicking my ass yet I’m trying to smile through it. Let’s lighten the mood, switch gears, and head to a world I have not visited in a long while…ONLINE DATING! 🤦🏽♀️ Finding love…true love is very difficult and of course online dating makes it even harder. While I have several friends who have had positive experiences online dating….I personally hope to never have to online date again! I always felt like I was one click away from meeting the next up and coming serial killer! 👀🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ Needless to say…the horror stories out weigh the successes but I digress. Here are some recent complaints I have heard from my female friends online dating. If you are a man and you are exhibiting these behaviors…you are currently an UNDATEABLE! Back the fuck away from the computer and save my sisters in the struggle from meeting one more waste of time guy! 🙌🏽 Here is the latest TALES FROM THE MALE UNDATEABLE CRYPT: 5. MISTER FINANCIALLY UNSTABLE! I recently had a friend go out on three dates with a potential suitor she met online. On the third date, this seemingly normal man revealed that he got evicted from his apartment, just filed for bankruptcy, and is now living with his sister. 👀 Sir, if you cannot afford to keep a roof over your head…you are not in a place to seriously date. Back the fuck away from the computer. You are not a potential life mate in your current state. I am no gold digger but what the fuck am I to do with a man in financial ruins?! What am I to do with a guy who can’t even keep his lights on?! I once met a guy online (during my brief online dating stint while I was living in Richmond) who could not afford to pay his cell phone bill. He was hot spotting our online messages from his sister’s phone! 🤦🏽♀️ This type of guy is not even close to being ready for a life mate. Sir, there are sites for people who just want to fuck…get on one of those. Someone just may throw you a pity fuck but don’t you dare be on a serious dating site stating that you are ready for marriage and children! Tyrone…the kids gonna need a roof and electricity too! ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾 4. MISTER I AM COMMITTED TO NOT BEING COMMITTED! Now Dan…you know you play too many fucking games. Why you on e-Harmony when you know you should be on Tinder? That’s right…someone should be swiping past you when they see your noncommittal ass online. I wish Ex girlfriends could go online and rate their ex boyfriends like people do when they are rating products or items they bought online. The review would read like…Dan gets a one star…only for being a straight man! ✌🏾 Dan…back the fuck up…mister waste of time. 3. MISTER (I think) SCAMMER! One of my friends recently met a guy (not sure of his real gender) online who claimed to be a doctor. After putting off their first date several times because of work and travels (allegedly), he finally agreed to meet before he traveled out the country. The “guy” started to ask her to purchase online music for him through a prepaid card. He was very persistent about it. Of course, he/she turned out to be a SCAMMER! 🤦🏽♀️ Be careful of the Sam/Samantha scammers out there! ✌🏾 2. MISTER I DON’T WASH MY ASS! Now this is really puzzling to me Ben! Why the fuck are you looking for a wife when you don’t brush your teeth nor wash your ass? 🔪🔪🔪 HYGIENE IS A HUGE PART OF DATING!!! I cannot stress this enough! No one wants to lay up with musty balls! 🤦🏽♀️ 1. MISTER LYING ABOUT HIS LOOKS! The greatest complaint I have heard from my female friends that are online dating is how men post photos of themselves from 15 years ago (when they were skinnier and had more hair)! 👀 While there are many non materialistic women out there….most of us do not like liars. Some women love a big boned bald guy while others don’t. ✋🏾 Lying about anything but especially your looks will only delay the inevitable. She will stop seeing you. So Clarence…honesty is going to be the best policy here. If you build it (an honest foundation that is) they may actually come (and then cum). Feel me?! ~KJM on Hump Day! I am saving all of my strength for the day I’m gonna have to log onto OUR TIME (the 50s and up dating site) and deal with the retired serial killers, viagra mishaps, limp dicks, and ex wives. 🤦🏽♀️ 🤷🏽♀️👀
One day it was with me EVERY day and the next it was gone. 🤦🏽♀️ POOF! 💨💨💨 And my orgasms were blowing in the wind. 🤷🏽♀️ Like where did my orgasms go? With exception of Crazy from college (sometimes we got to be thankful for male whores), no man has given me an orgasm consistently. In the last 15 years, I have seen my orgasm no more than three times during sex. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ NOTE: before the Ex Factor and I had sex…I use to climax just by him slightly brushing my arm or looking at me in a very desirable way. That was when he was a caring person. 🙄 But my vagina digresses. Lol. Back to the issue at hand. I am not even worried about what a man can or can’t do in bed…at least not right now. Lol. What scared the hell out of me is I had not been having orgasms by myself either in like the last 8 years. 👀 After I graduated from grad school and moved back home…I got rid of all my tastefully done porn videos 😇 and GOLD MEMBER…my most famous vibrator that resembled a large gold bullet. 😍 Around that time I started dating the Ex Factor and fell so deeply in love that his touch was enough. That was so long ago. Now his touches are pretty routine and so are my responses to them. 🙄 Still where had my orgasms gone? One day I was ranting to a friend about the Ex Factor and life and she flat out suggested that I chill the fuck out with an orgasm. 🤦🏽♀️🙌🏽🤷🏽♀️ My friend asked me when was the last time I had invested in a vibrator. That is when it dawned on me that it has been almost a decade since I took responsibility for my OWN sexual pleasure! 🙌🏽 Me…not stupid enough to ignore my friend’s advice…started scrolling the internet for the perfect toy. If I was still living in the DC metro…sex shops would be everywhere and I could make my selection in person. DC is just the home of some serious freaks! No wonder the federal government is there! 👀🤷🏽♀️ But I digress again. Instead of purchasing a toy from adult sites like Adam and Eve…I quickly found out that AMAZON sold sex toys! 😍 Yasss🙌🏽 Now I can read reviews, choose the best sex toys, and have them discreetly delivered! 🙌🏽 My building front desk will think I bought household goods from AMAZON when it’s like a big plastic vibrating penis! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽😌😉 Shout out Amazon! Y’all doing big things for sure…and it shows! 😌 After researching for hours (so serious here) I chose two items for my vagina: the mini Shibari (recommended by Harmony) and the Kangaroo Rabbit. The Shibari is for clit stimulation and the Kangaroo Rabbit does BOTH clit and internal vaginal stimulation. My favorite by far is the SHIBARI! 🙌🏽 It serves a dual purpose….back/neck massager and a clit massager! 😍 The reviews were so right…this thing got me climaxing in a minute or less! 🙌🏽 And just like that I’m moving, I am shaking, and I am fucking myself with very little effort! 🙌🏽 Speaking of effort….you gonna have to spend all day with the Kangaroo Rabbit to achieve what the Shibari can do in seconds. I have only used the Kangaroo Rabbit once…that’s how much fucking work it is! After an 11-13 hour work day plus my commute I have no energy to work that hard for an orgasm. I mean…I could just have sex with a man if I want it to be that difficult! 🤦🏽♀️ Plus I truly believe that internal stimulation is meant for a real penis….that can do the job that is. The Ex Factor is bigger than the Kangaroo Rabbit but with my help…the Kangaroo puts in more work. 🤷🏽♀️ Anyways…what was my point? Oh yes! My orgasms are back and here to stay! 😍🌹 Like anything else in life…they went away when I stopped investing in myself and left it all up to a man (not just referring to the Ex Factor here…he’s still in my top three sexual partners…some of y’all ain’t even get an honorable mention). 🤷🏽♀️ ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. Ladies…do not leave a man in charge of your body and your sexual experiences. They will always get theirs…so we better ensure that we get ours! 🙌🏽 Go forth with the Shibari and be free to climax as the wind blows! 😘
It is rare that I take the time to write you…men…that is…but there’s something brewing in my heart that I just have to say. MONOGAMY IS NOT EASIER FOR WOMEN! There…I said it! And before you start spouting out some biblical nonsense let me take you on a tour of where I’m coming from. When you start to gain weight, start balding, neglect us, abandon us, and disrespect us…monogamy gets even more difficult for us women. We see the hot sexy guys daily too…just like you see the sexy women. We women aren’t blind. We are attracted to more than just our lovers, husbands, and boyfriends. We yearn for hot new sex too! That’s right! Soon…if not already…many of you will start to get plagued with erectile dysfunction while our female bodies ripen and mature…yet we will stay with you and love you through it all. 🤷🏽♀️ When passionate kisses become kisses of routine…many of us will stay faithful. FAITHFUL! Not because of religion. Hell not even because of some vows we said to you long before we knew the real you. We stay faithful because of our strength and our faiths in ourselves. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Even us single and dating women (like myself) will stay by your sides…when you don’t have a concrete plan for us! And why? Perhaps it’s our vision of the children we never asked God for? That is MY greatest reason for sticking with the Ex Factor. I…never…asked the Lord for a child. I wanted my heart and my womb barren but God had different plans for my heart. And then it happened. For the FIRST time (with any man)…I could envision my children with his eyes and his smile. Never before had I dreamt of them. Consciously, I still want to skip motherhood but subconsciously…when I fall asleep with his love in my heart…I become open. I become awakened. I become reborn…in a way I never thought possible. And so I stay faithful even in the darkest hours because God does not fulfill His promise to the weak. 🙌🏽 Wait…let me not make this a religious thing for I have no reason to. I am not a wife. And my reasonings for fighting against cheating (at this point in my life) are much deeper than my faith in God. Perhaps deeper is the wrong word. Perhaps more expansive than my faith in God is the right phrase. I am WOMAN! I am the giver of LIFE. I can destroy or build kingdoms. My expansive view of monogamy has everything to do with my faith in myself. What can I possible teach my children if I am too weak to weather the storms of fatal attractions? What type of person am I if my word is not my bond? Men retroactively think about cheating. Many of them will risk it all for today’s tuna never thinking about the salmon they are going to lose. Women…for the most part…have to be proactive in life. Whether we ever become mothers or not…we are still the givers of life and builders of empires. Our jobs are never done. We are always needed on the front lines of every battle. Women will also fight many battles secretly…. This is who we are. STRONG! BRAVE! DARING! So you see this myth of monogamy being easier for us is just plain stupid. We want the excitement of new lust too. We want to made love to for days…because our bodies are built to do that with very short breaks…if any. We want to taste his lips too. Whose lips? The men that desire us from afar and near. The men who whisper in our ears that they would never abandon us. We need the orgasms. We need to be wanted and desired. We too deserve these things…yet most of us will stick by you ungrateful men! Okay…I know some of you men don’t understand one fucking word I’m saying….so let me break it down in a way you can understand. Pussy is so flexible that I could fuck him and you and you would never know! It’s an elastic band…made to pull back and fit a dick of any size….AND then get back into its original position! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 That is the true power of pussy my dear! 😘 Now when you mix the flexibility of the pussy….with the male ego…and DING! We are now on fire now. 😳 With just a few “oh baby” and “your dick is so big” many of your egos wouldn’t think we are capable of cheating. 😩🤦🏽♀️🤣 Boy bye! We can fuck y’all in and out of circles! The female body is built that way! Y’all have to stop after an orgasm…we don’t! MULTIPLE ORGASMS! 🙌🏽 Then we at it again.😘 Yo let me take it one step further. Some of the world’s top assassins are women! We naturally know how to fuck you men and then kill you! 🤣 The Woman is a dangerous species. She is kind and loyal…simply because she wants to be. It is just that fucking simple! Your ass is just plain lucky that your woman is faithful because she was built as a natural weapon of mass destruction. 🙌🏽 Feel me? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday! Bow down male hoes…no one is really checking for you. Women are just really loyal to themselves, their dignity, and to the future they have in the palm of their hands. And a smart woman ain’t staying with no habitual cheater…. And if she ever did…you better pray Karma isn’t a bitch! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
This is a new twisted story of the his hat in my cat. 😇 You are not dyslexic…you read that right. 😉There are times when we women are simply not in the mood for sex. Truthfully, I have a pretty high libido so the only time I really shut my shop and close my puss for a night or a season 😳 is when the Ex Factor puts his foot in his mouth! 🤦🏽♀️ He says something stupid and I dry up instantly! 👀 I tell him…pet the cat, be nice to the cat, tell the cat sweet words, be loyal to the cat (or she could stray), and never forsake the cat. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 These are some of my foundational rules to open the pussy shop. All of these rules are based on respecting the essence of my vagina. Ever since I was young, Mama Michaels would randomly yell (and later on when I moved out of my parents house…randomly call to say) that MY PUSSY IS PLATINUM! 🙌🏽 Mom been saying that before platinum jewelry was the thing everyone desired! 🙄 She put me on to my pussy powers way before I fully understood them. Thanks mom! 🙌🏽 But I digress. Back to his hat in my cat! 😉😇 The other night the Ex Factor and I had some bomb ass makeup sex. 🙌🏽 We introduced something new into our sex life…per my request. The Ex Factor and I both know how to signal to each other when we are in the mood for something different. This time I had an idea which I sprang on him in the midst of sex and it worked out well. PUSSY WALLS OPEN! 🙌🏽 Yo…for all of our mess…I am really happy that in 8 years of dating on and off…we still desire each other. We still lust after each other. 💜💜💜 This is why I hate closing the shop on him. 😭 But I got the right to exercise my pussy powers….which according to Mama Michaels…is a birth right for smart women! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 I mean where would straight men be without the puss?! 🤷🏽♀️ Maybe the land of their hands just fell off (masturbation land) or blue balls city?! 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏽♀️ No matter what…pussy literally and figuratively makes the world go round! We are the givers of life! And they better recognize! 🙌🏽 Now back to these bedroom antics. Ever since I met the Ex Factor, he does two things that turn me the fuck on: when I close up shop…he pays homage to my vagina. If he got to sing to it to open it up…he does it. The Ex Factor lets it be known that there’s nothing like my pussy shop. 😍 And then when I finally let him in…he makes these expressions of deep pleasure. I have never seen anything like it. All my men before, especially Julio, have always told me how great my cat was (without me ever having to ask) but the faces the Ex Factor makes take the cake! 😍 LITERALLY! 😉 I’m like damn bae…it’s really that great? 😍 Better not fuck up then! 🔪😌🔪 In my opinion, at the core of sex is power. When I am posted on top of the Ex Factor….he can’t move. He is under my trance and I fucking love it. Hell…I fucking need that! I need to be in control (most times) in the bedroom. My experiences have taught me that if you depend on a man to guide you through your body…your sexual experience will be diminished! I mean…who knows our bodies like we do? NO ONE! Thus, never leave them in charge of pleasing you! Men need direction at every point in life…ESPECIALLY when it comes to women! 🤦🏽♀️ So be specific when directing your man in the bedroom! 🙌🏽 And don’t be afraid to take charge. Guide them to that G spot…cause most men will be able to find Waldo long before they find the spot that makes us women lose our minds! 🤦🏾♀️ Where the fuck is that dude Waldo anyways?! 🤣🤣🤣 Not really looking for him…but I am looking for my next orgasm! 😉 Now where’s the moral of this tale? Oh yes…sometimes men seem like dogs the way they lust after us. However, if you have been with your man for a really long time…and you still love each other…and you both still really desire each other…open up that cat (upon a respectful request that is AND sometimes impromptu) and let him in. 😍 ~KJM on Hump Day! Hump often, hump in a caring way, and hump consensually! 😘
Sometimes life just echoes itself. No sooner after writing Saturday’s post (about some adulthood truths) did I find myself in a very uncomfortable conversation with my father. Out of all of the children…my brother, Junior, is the most vocal about his relationship statuses. My sister, Brenda, and I have ALWAYS been more low key about our love lives. As a matter of fact, the only guy my parents knew I dated for sure was Julio and that was ONLY because we met when I was 15 and he was 16. This would be one of my biggest regrets. You see when people know details of your personal life…they mistakenly think they get a vote in how you live it out. This is simply not true. The mind your own fucking business act is always in place. Stay in your own lane and worry about your own relationships. Now if you have not been keeping up with this blog…let me refresh your memory. While I am a Daddy’s girl…Daddy was ONLY good to ME! He had never been kind nor caring to anyone else’s daughter…not even my mother! While I have a very complicated toxic relationship with my mother, I don’t ever allow myself to forget about how much abuse she endured from my father and her parents. 👀 The problem with Mama Michaels is she let that toxicity transfer into her relationships with her children….with my relationship with her being the most damaged. While I love my parents dearly, I’m not blind to see that they are both toxic as fuck to each other and everyone around them! 🙌🏽 That is my life truth as I know it. Because of them, I stopped being a child at the tender age of 5! 👀 After witnessing and now understanding what domestic violence means, I told the nuns at my school that I was never getting married nor having children! That was 32 fucking years ago and I have kept my promise! 😳 Yes, once again, I was only 5 years old. 🤦🏽♀️ So it is no wonder there is very little I want to adapt from their marriage and their parenting. Throw the whole damn thing away! ✌🏾My siblings and I can and will do better by the Grace of God! 🙏🏽 Now that we have some background history, let’s go back to the present mess. My Dad was telling me he may go on a road trip with friends to Disney and I said I would love to take an ADULT ONLY Disney trip with my friends. He started questioning why I do not take vacations with the Ex Factor! 😳🙄 I asked him if in the entire 37 years that he has known me and in my extensive dating life…did he not know me to be a loner?! I mean I’ve had friendships for over 20 years and I still don’t bring my friends to family events. Majority of my friends live in different states and countries (like 99% of them) so my fucking vacations are for ME and THEM! ✌🏾 And I am dead ass about that. I cannot tell you how many couples I see fighting while I’m on vacation! I witnessed a particularly embarrassing public argument between a young married couple at the pool when I was in Hawaii. The husband kept yelling “you don’t think I fucking take good care of you?!” 🤦🏽♀️ Child….if that ain’t Jesus asking…I don’t plan on ever having to answer (especially publicly) such a ludicrous and distasteful question! 🔪🔪🔪 Not sure why his balls were hanging so low that day! ✌🏾 My vacations alone or with my friends are everything! 🙌🏽 I am almost positive the Ex Factor feels the same about his friends. The first mistake I made in this conversation with my father was ever addressing it! The second was listening to the bull shit he spat about how I have to change my ways!!!! He said that even if my relationship isn’t that serious…I should be going on vacations with “dates.” ✌🏾 I told him I don’t got to fuck at every port I arrive at like he does! 🙌🏽 And that is not because of my love for the Ex Factor! It is because of my love and respect for my fucking self!!! Plus I reminded him that even though men cheat more….most men are horrible in bed no matter the age! Most of these dudes getting fucked for money, pension plans, shopping sprees, or just as a plain old pass time like baseball use to be to America. 🙌🏽 Mistresses are out there to use a motherfucker! They taking the ragged cheating dicks because they got bills to pay. Morale of the story…don’t get hyped about new pussy. It almost always comes with a price! 🙌🏽 After I laid into his ass, my father had the nerve to hit me with…”I got it….I don’t have to save for a wedding for Kingston!” 🙄 That is when I felt tears well up in my throat. Let me get this fucking straight?! He taught me how to be free thinking and independent yet when I exercise that right my entire fucking life…my life is nothing without a man to go on vacations with?!! Get the fuck out of here?! Daddy proceeded (like some of my single male friends have before) to tell me that I’m exactly the type of woman he would never date!!! Oh really?! You mean the type a bitch that won’t let a man beat or cheat on her? The type of bitch that got her own? The type of bitch that feels love is a choice and not a fucking necessity?! The type of bitch that works hard? The type of bitch that can be in a boardroom with 20 penises and not be interested in fucking one?! Yea I am the bitch. 🙌🏽 And you helped create her. Now stay in your fucking lane and proceed with caution because my personal life is exactly that…MINE! ~KJM is heated on Charm School Monday! Long live the feminists! And even if you aren’t one…long live men not being a god damn necessity but a bad choice many of us make over and over again.👀 I may not be the best at relationships but I pack light and I am always ready and willing to leave the port and set sail on a new adventure without a man! 🙌🏽 Same OG since I was 5! Only God can work on me…if HE sees the need to. 😇
Many people are under the assumption that lovemaking entails a certain bit of romance and is at some slow romance movie-like pace. 🤦🏽♀️ Since everyone’s definition of romance is different…I challenge the idea that lovemaking is slow and very romantic. For me, lovemaking is simply about the feelings the two people have for each other as they sexually share themselves. That’s right…even doggy style done with the one you love…is lovemaking…to me. 😉 With that being said, there is something very erotic about a slow intimate pace of lovemaking where each stroke is so tantalizing that both of you feel like if you move in any direction too quickly you both will climax…when all you want to do in this moment is savor each kiss, each stroke, and each moan. 🙌🏽 One of the best types of sex I have ever experienced was the makeup sex…especially if the two of us were separated for a long while. Make up sex is the BEST and most INTENSE with the Ex Factor. Typically I am nervous…yes even after 8 years of knowing him. 😍 My heart is beating loudly in my chest as he is about to enter. My nails are long and pointy…so I am very careful to position them in his back in a way that won’t hurt him. That’s how deep he goes. It’s like I’m holding on for dear life while bracing myself for that break through of his penis thrusting into my temple. A temple that most likely waited on him and only him to enter. The nervousness starts to fade as the feeling of the familiar takes over. 💕 My most desired lover is here…in the flesh…devouring me. Relaxing me. Reassuring me. Tasting me. Fucking me. And when I can find the strength to utter words…I start to dig my nails into his skin while whispering my deepest confessions to him and only him. Our rhythm becomes more traumatic. Not for us but for the neighbors. Still in slow motion but he’s goes deeper and the headboard is starting to bang on the walls. I…am…moaning. In each movement of ecstasy, every part of me becomes moist…even my eyes. Though I’m holding back. I will not tear up in this moment. I want…no fuck it…I need to be present in this moment. Legs shaking. My baby is home! 🙌🏽 And my entire body is welcoming him. I can feel how hard he is trying to please me…it’s now my turn to show him how much I miss him. Stay tuned 😘 ~KJM ran out of blogging time on Hump Day! Lol.
Happy Hump Day! Yesterday I happened to come across an article that claimed that big belly men make better lovers! 😳 Apparently, they even last longer in bed. 😳🙌🏽 This is a topic I have very little experience in because all of my lovers except Mister Toss Salad were skinny or of athletic build with washboard stomachs. Thus, I had to ask around. Wait…let’s swing back for a second. To this day, I don’t remember Mister Toss Salad’s body and never ever saw his penis! He was a fucking rebound guy and I did not like the feel of his penis (half circumcised…half not?!). Thus, I promised myself that I would never look his penis in the eye. lol. 🤦🏾♀️ And I kept that promise to myself for the few months we dated. One thing I do know is he is naturally a big guy. When we dated he was on a strict diet and working out so he was smaller than he had been in the years I had known him prior to us briefly dating. I say all of this to say that I don’t remember his body. I straight up did not look at him. 🤦🏽♀️ But he did wine and dine me and could eat pussy and toss a good salad like no one’s business! 🙌🏽 Gots to give him that. Since my sexual rolodex is useless on this topic, I turned to some of my girlfriends for input. Here are the top 5 things my friends taught me about big belly men: 5. WILLOW: Not all big belly men are overweight. Some of them are skinny guys who have guts from drinking and drugs. 4. NICOLE: She has never ever been with a big belly man and never plans to. Nicole said she cannot handle a big belly touching her. Luckily she’s happily married to a non big belly man. 3. INGRID: She prefers bigger men but not obese men. Some how cuddling up with a skinny guy does not sit right with her. She likes her men to have some manly meat for her to hang on to. 2. JASMINE: Two out of four of her big belly lovers were great to her. She had amazing sex with them as well. Jasmine did point out that she never slept with a guy with washboard abs. She also pointed out that because I date younger, I get the pleasure of sleeping with men who seriously take care of their bodies. 🙌🏽 Jasmine says men get lazier with their fitness as they get older. 😳 So does this mean I am an ageist? 🤦🏾♀️ 🤷🏽♀️ 1. HARMONY: big belly men last longer than the seven minutes in bed some skinny men put in! 😳🙌🏽 Thank you ladies for getting back to me on this topic! My thoughts…I love a fit man even though I am not fit myself. The Ex Factor is my most fit guy I have ever dated. Not an inch of fat on his body and abs I can make breakfast on! 😍 By far, I am the most attracted to him. I prefer my men fit so that they can inspire me to get fit. The Ex Factor has loved my body (for the last 8 years) unconditionally. Through those 8 years, I have gained around 40lbs. He was with me when I was skinny and broke…and he has been down with me as my womanly curves grow along with my bank account. The Ex Factor has never made me feel bad about my body. I think he is more obsessed with my body than I am. And I love him for that. 💜 The great thing about the Ex Factor is he is not some crazy gym fanatic that talks about the gym all the time. He just loves being fit. It is who he naturally is. Putting that all aside, we usually end up dating who we attract. Right now I do not look my age. My 34DDs plump up without a bra like the Ex Factor just cooked them.😘 So my man market right now are washboard abs guys. 🙌🏽 When my breasts start drooping (for gravity is certain to come get them whether I have children or not), my men market may change. I may secretly be an ageist but I do not think I discriminate against big belly men. Well…not intentionally. You see my skinny with a muscular build guys (not the steroids looking ones) have huge penises around 90% of the time. 🙌🏽 It is the extra large penis I prefer…til the day I die! 😍🙌🏽 ~KJM on Hump Day! Ladies if the athletic build ain’t working, try you an overweight lover. One thing most of us agreed on is men with bellies try harder in bed. While I can’t testify to how long they last in bed (as my big dick roster has proven to be able to go on and off for about 16 hours in one day when they are at their best), I do know my one unfit guy could eat pussy and toss my salad like no one else! 😍🙌🏽 Big Guys remember to sing in the bedroom “Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot…they all on me…Mike Jones” when the pussy factory reads this article ( http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/men-with-big-bellies-make-better-lovers-science-finds/ ) and comes knocking! 😳😍 As for me, shout out to my extra large penises (Phoenix, the Ex Factor, and Crazy). 🙌🏽😍💜 I have a feeling that even in my next life, I would sleep with you guys (athletic build or not). 😇😉 EDITOR’S NOTE: results of similar studies for women better say that us big belly women are great in bed too! If we have to stay open to big belly men…they should have to stay open to us! Of course, I am like most men. I aim high and no man is out of my league…no matter what my body looks like. I am as faithful and as consistent as my options. 🤣😳🤷🏽♀️🙄 May I be a billionaire one day…getting all the washboard abs and big dick lovers I want until the day I die! 🙌🏽
Now before I get into the quality of the “trout” I want to be completely honest with you. This is one topic I am bias in (I just think most women are amazing and these men are tripping) but because I have some pretty nice male friends and associates…I am willing to explore my bias. I always think that EVERYTHING (including dating) is easier for men! I mean come on! There is always some woman ready to sacrifice her soul for a man! 🤦🏽♀️ Men are typically the first to move on from a break up and have a new chick on arm.😩🔪 So when I hear single professional “seemingly sane” men complaining that they are having a hard time meeting great women I just roll my eyes. 🙄 I generally think they are probably selfish narcissists who have put many women through hell in their present AND past lives! 😳🙄😩✌🏾 But I digress. Because I do have many amazing male friends, like my BFF, Zack, who is happily married…I’m willing to cross over into the jungle of single men and try to see some things from their point of view. The few conversations I was able to have in detail last week were intense! Yo! I forgot men have feelings! Shout out to my numb boo! Love you Ex Factor! 😘🙄 There are some dudes who are eager to care about some woman out there! 😳 Here are some of complaints that I continuously heard from single men: (1) too many women live their lives like they are reality stars, (2) women do not want to work 😳 (3) unfaithful women (I’m well aware that more women cheat than society thinks), (4) dishonest women, (5) financially irresponsible women (no smart man wants a woman who can only blow his money and not build on it), (6) women only want men that make a certain amount of money, and (7) women really do not want what they say they want (mainly chasing the wrong kind of dudes). Okay, I am willing to admit that the men have some points here but I just don’t know…maybe because I am a woman I think that the women they are describing are rare and that these men may be only going after the same types of women. Here is my top 5 recommendations to single successful responsible men ready to commit to a good woman: 5. YOU ALWAYS FALL FOR THE SAME TYPE: my men have some similarities but in general besides their birth sign (damn Sagittarius🙄😩) they are quite different. Meaning each of the relationships failed for unique reasons. Guys, if you always seem to meet a hot gold digger….perhaps that is who you truly want? I’m not gonna lie…I love my men hot (though not prettier than me 🤣 cause then they would be straight trouble lol), tall, athletic, black or brown, and educated! Over the years though, I have definitely dated outside of some of my preferences minus the black or brown thing. That seems to be one of my dealbreakers. LOVE MY BROTHERS! 😘 I have dated leprechauns, unattractive men, non Sagittarius men (which turns out to be an even bigger mistake lol), and guys without a formal education. Shout out to my good with their hands guys (pun intended)! 😉 But I digress. Guys, are you going after the same type? If so…switch it up. 4. THE PLACES YOU MEET WOMEN! If you are always meeting your women in a bar or club you may want to go elsewhere. 🙌🏽 Nothing wrong with these places as I know many couples who got married after meeting in such a setting but if you are looking for a religious woman…and that is a dealbreaker for you…the club isn’t going to be the place to find her unless you like looking for a needle in a haystack! 🙌🏽 While there is no perfect place to meet someone that will guarantee forever bliss…it’s good to keep your eyes open everywhere. Don’t overlook the sexy librarian! Lol. That brings me to… 3. PAY ATTENTION! Single men, there are probably so many women trying to get your attention but because they may not be your “type” you are missing out or you are all the way slipping by not paying attention to their cues. Now I’m a direct woman. I do not flirt…ever!!! When I want a man…I flat out say it. Eight years ago, I slide into the Ex Factor’s DM and told him…I WANT YOU! 🙌🏽 No mix signals there. Some women are hunters but most aren’t! 98% of women won’t be this direct because they think it’s chasing a man! But it’s not. I give the GREEN light that I am interested and it’s up to the man to close the deal. And that’s just what the Ex Factor did! My pussy is NEVER included in the hunt. No judgement here. Just the way I roll. Fellas, most women will flirt (if interested) and the flirting may not be in a sexual manner. She may be your neighbor who is constantly asking you to fix stuff even though your Landlord is responsible for that stuff! When in doubt….just ask her! Pay attention and the universe may just bless you with a good woman! 2. SINGLE MOMS! Lately, there has been a lot of discussions on social media about how single dads feel they are entitled to swim in the young single woman with no children pool but single moms are highly discriminated against and are considered damaged! 😳🔪🔪🔪 A man with children is a dealbreaker for me! ✌🏾 Everyone is entitled to their personal preferences. However, some of the good women that you guys seem to be missing may be single moms pond! If you are a good single man with a big heart that wants a family someday…please do not ignore the single moms pool! These types of women most likely know how to commit and raise a child. Single moms are typically serious about dating. They have no time for senseless and pointless bed hopping for they have children to raise! 🙌🏽 I know this is not the ideal situation and that it may not be your preference but you can tell a lot about a woman by how she raises her child! I would say the same about single dads but most women ignore the fact of whether the single dad is a good dad to a child he has with another woman. For example, Ciara and Future! Everything she needed to know about Future was written in his past with his numerous baby mamas! And everything her current husband, Russell, saw in Ciara was probably written in the present of how she raised her child! They are now a happily married blended family! Of course there are exceptions to the rule but parenting can tell a lot about a person. 1. ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR A GOOD WOMAN? I am the queen of asking for stuff I am not truly ready for just because they are not currently being offered to me! 🤦🏽♀️ So no judgement on this one. Just more of a mental exercise. Do you really want a good woman or are you still chasing the bag girls? Is physical attraction the number one trait that you look for in a woman? Does she need to be runway model size? Let’s get even deeper. Are you healed from your past hurts…childhood and romantic relationships? If not, are you working on your stuff? In counseling? Are you hell bent on making all women pay for one woman’s mistakes? I have to ask these questions because society is highly critical of women and not men! A man can walk around with a huge pot belly and five kids and still think he is entitled to every single non child having successful beautiful woman! 🔪🤦🏽♀️😩 Society does not allow women to be this delusional! Women, for the most part, are very careful and strategic about where we “shoot our shot!” 🙌🏽 Men, however, are taught to aim their sperm anywhere towards any woman. They are always encouraged to “shoot their shot” even if they are not mentally, financially, physically or emotionally ready. 😳😩🙄🤦🏽♀️ It is still a man’s world (don’t know why 🤷🏽♀️) but that shit still ain’t nothing without a woman! 🙌🏽 That is…if you are a straight man but I digress. Lol. BONUS: if none of these things apply to you…maybe it is just not your time yet. Society tells that to women all the time! Ugh…it’s frustrating for sure. Just keep being the great guy you are and stay open to unexpected blessings! 💜 ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. We all need to be in fucking therapy! Lol.
Happy Hump Day Everyone! Spring has been very delayed…thus my winter blues have continued. I have not felt like blogging much this week. However, when I am present…I’m all the way in. 🙌🏽 Today I want to discuss a topic that I find highly interesting: The Doggy Style position! It use to be my second favorite position with the Ex Factor but as the years went on…I sometimes found myself dreading it! 😩 I have always known that sex is a form of communication but only recently did I realize that the type of Doggy Style position we experience with our partners reveals so much about our daily lives! Here are my top 5 Doggy Style position communication tips: 5. THE RAM IT IN (WITH NO LUBE)! Fuck. Doggy Style can put you and your partner in a very erotic zone but timing is everything! If that pussy ain’t wet…I mean extremely wet…then Doggy Style is gonna rip her pussy apart! It is not a foreplay position! ✌🏾 It is a “you warmed up the cold car and that car (her vagina) is now ready for a long distance drive by a very well trained driver!” Ramming your dick into dry pussy should never be a thing! From the back…that shit can land a chick in the hospital! Be gentle and watch your timing! COMMUNICATION TRANSLATION: if your boo is ramming it in and hurting your ass…he’s most likely selfish and you guys are probably not on the same page in life. ABORT MISSION! ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾I would say stop sexing him but if you still want to…serve him up some of that same old tired missionary position. He earned it! 😩🙄🙌🏽 4. THE OOCH OOCH OUCH! Yikes. This one irritates my soul. He sticks it in…it slides out. He tells you that you need to arch your back more…never thinking that this is all happening because of his extra tiny penis or his lack of maneuvering skills! 🤦🏾♀️ Your partner is placing the blame on you and this Doggy Style is just lost in translation! 😩 Each stroke either hurts you or barely feels like penetration. COMMUNICATION TRANSLATION: you guys are either drunk, don’t know each other well, or are unsure of where this relationship is going. He is sticking it in when your vagina is forcing him out. You guys cannot get one stroke in unison. 🤦🏾♀️ This is one of those teaching moments…that is if you guys are patient and willing to learn it each other’s bodies. Inhale and exhale together. The mission is to get to the mountain top together. But first you must acknowledge the disconnect. Reconnect slowly and build up the trust that is needed to execute the Doggy Style position effortlessly. 🙌🏽 3. THE DEAD UPON ARRIVAL! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ Ugh. Fuck. Some men love the Doggy Style position so much that they cum at first thrust! 🖕🏾 Sir, why would you want to do a position that only satisfies you? Selfish prick! COMMUNICATION TRANSLATION: He is either very selfish, has some medical issue (does he cum quickly in general?), or all of the above. ABORT MISSION!✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾 Only he is going to get his in that 30 seconds of thrusting. Now he may just be in love with your pussy from that angle but since he knew it wasn’t going to be fun for you…nor satisfying…it’s safe to say he was only focused on his orgasm! ✌🏾2. THE BACK THAT ASS UP! Now we are getting somewhere! Stroke for stroke…rhythm for rhythm you and boo are getting it in! Shit…yall have even managed to occasionally reach the mountain together! You in a real Juvenile (the rapper) video! 😍 COMMUNICATION TRANSLATION: you and your partner have reconnected! Whether you were in the process of getting to know each other or your out of the bedroom communication was at an all time low….working through the disconnect actually made you guys closer! Orgasms for everyone! No more ooch ooch ouch!✌🏾 There’s a new rhythm method in place and your Doggy Style is under new management much like your out of the bedroom communication! 1. THE FACE DOWN…ASS UP! Yasss🙌🏽 Child when y’all get to this style…you not only love the Doggy Style but you are requesting it day and night! You and your partner are so in sync that you have not only perfected the position but you have added new twists to it that brings you both extreme pleasure. He now knows (per your instructions and moans) when to thrust in deeper and when to stay at a certain level to bring you ecstasy! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 You two are not just in it for your own orgasms but you are also in it to please each other. COMMUNICATION TRANSLATION: your communication has greatly improved outside of the bedroom and that has translated into an orgasmic experience in the bedroom. This is a place where there is no faking orgasms nor pretending something feels good when it doesn’t! You guys have worked so hard to get to this point that you only want to share this experience with each other! I think this position is even more rewarding when there has been some rough patches in your relationship. This is the fruit of your labor! Enjoy every bite! 😘 ~KJM on Hump Day. The longer you are with someone is the more you may experience one or all of these “communication styles.” Last week…the Ex Factor and I made it back to “The Back That Ass Up” Doggy Style position! 🙌🏽 It’s taken us years to get back here. It remains to be seen though if we will ever make it to the “Face Down…Ass Up.” That’s where the real work lies. Hump often, hump safely, and hump with care and consideration.