It’s funny how one simple act can trigger a course of events. With all that I had been through with Elijah in the last 7 months, he definitely was not the worst relationship I’ve been in. But because of the timing of when we met (I was in the process of permanently leaving the ex factor), my honesty about my current situation and all I had been through in the last 5 years, and his age (he was the oldest man I’ve ever dated), my goals for our relationship was high. I believe in love at first sight and in 95% of my relationships, I never fell in love at all…no matter how long we dated. My heart is not nor has ever been easily given. Elijah and I were definitely NOT love at first sight. It took me over three months to start to have feelings for him. In those beginning three months, I was numb…somewhere else mentally and it didn’t help that the ex factor continued to keep in touch. But then the new year came in and I started to realize that it’s not fair to have Elijah there and not at least try to reciprocate some of his feelings. And things grew from there. It wasn’t easy but I started to feel. Our power struggle grew as my feelings did. Elijah is very old skool and traditional while I’m an independent feminist! We were probably doomed from the start. It may sound silly but the thing I loved about him the most…his work ethic…eventually killed us. He didn’t meet me out in the rain Friday night because of work and his image. Work always came before me but Elijah would always justify it by saying he has to prove that he can take care of himself in order for him to provide for me in the future. And I respected that. However, I want a man that can back away from his business and is willing to get soaked in the rain with his woman. I don’t know if husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives but I need mine to. I had never accepted a proposal before because I never felt each man would meet me out in the rain….the rain of life. There I was willing to get soaked (even my hair) with no makeup on to meet my love. What Elijah didn’t know was I traveled all the way to the city in almost nothing under my trench coat. My man works hard and so do I but even with a huge storm around me and me being exhausted, I was willing to get soaked for him. Out of everyone I’ve ever dated, I was true to Elijah! I was even willing to start learning how to make some of his favorite drinks and some small meals (unbeknownst to him). He will never know nor understand the depths I traveled even before that faithful night in the city. I travel a lot and love to travel solo which has been an issue in every relationship I’ve been in and even though I’ve at least 3 more solo trips already lined up for the year….I was thinking of including him in my need to travel and be me! I was trying to meet him half way and share my world. Even when we hit a low point and I was tempted to do something stupid, I was brutally honest with him. I really thought we could make it but we are just too alike in some ways and too different in others. I don’t think neither he nor I thought I would spend almost 2 hours traveling just to turn back around but I did! That’s how I knew that I could continue to trust myself to look out for me at all times. I took all the love I had to give and I headed back home. I’m worth getting soaked in the rain with! My love is just that good. Though I can’t help but wonder….Is it silly to leave him because he wouldn’t meet me out in the rain? I took it as a sign of what our future would look like. And do husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives? Or am I just dreaming?~KJM filled with thoughts on a late night Sunday.
Archives for April 2016
It’s Serenity Saturday and I hardly ever write blogs on this day. Usually I put up a quote and just try to inspire you but today I don’t have any inspiration in me. For those of you who have been following our story from our first meeting, Elijah and I have gone our separate ways. I’ve actually blocked him via phone so he has no way of communicating with me unless we run into each other in a business capacity. Last night, in the middle of a rain storm, I traveled to New York to see Elijah. He had been frustrating me all day and doing his passive aggressive behavior thing where he ignores my texts if I’m saying something he doesn’t like. I never like to make a promise I don’t keep. Drenched from head to toe, I asked Elijah to meet me at a subway stop and he refused. He wanted me to make the entire journey to see him by myself. There’s more to this story on both our ends and some of it I have chosen to keep private. In that moment, when I was showing up for him but he would not show up for me, I realized this summed up our 7 months of dating. Me always going the extra mile and him not doing the same. Soaked right down to my socks, I decided to turn back around and head back to my hometown. The universe made that quite easy. I got back home faster than it had taken me to get in the city during the storm! Before I blocked Elijah, I let him know that I no longer wanted to see him because any man that could not put my safety before his image….wasn’t going to be the man for me! I didn’t even cry. I’ve spent 7 months dealing with his cheapness and controlling ways! Elijah is almost 40 and within a month of dating, I knew exactly why he was single and would stay that way. He’s selfish and uncaring at times. I really tried but at the end of the day my loyalty is to myself! The most disappointing thing, however, is I feel like I let all my readers down. I’m turning 35 soon and still have not found “the one!” I wanted Elijah to be the one to give you all and my heart hope. At this point, I think that alone is my destiny. I don’t ever want to even try again and I’m so sorry we didn’t make it. I honestly tried but Kingston Jael was never made to be controlled and mistreated! I can walk away from anyone! Recently Julio and the ex factor have resurfaced! I’m not leaving Elijah for anyone in my past and NO Phoenix and I have no future as I have to keep reminding you all that I don’t have a drop of feelings for him. I don’t have a Prince Charming and to be honest, I don’t think everyone does. I haven’t even been kissing frogs….I’ve been kissing toads! I’m over dating. Society tells women in their mid 30s if you aren’t married and have no children…just wait to die! Lol. Fuck society! I’m going to keep living but with an understanding that the loves of my life are my friends and family! There is no love story here! But when each of you love and build your families, Kingston will be right there with you! Cheering you on and being excited for you all as I have always been! One Love💜 ~KJM on Serenity Saturday!